A Fresh Start

Today I woke up with the wheels in my head turning at an alarming rate. It is January 1, 2017 and there is so much hope and expectation for a better year. In reality, today is just another day in the book of my life, and all of my problems and worries from 2016 won't just magically vanish because of this new calendar year. 

But...maybe they can. 

I don't have control of some of the things that have caused grief and pain, but I do have control over how I respond. Control of my words, thoughts, actions, responses, and prayers. On my own I am unable to respond in a way that would make anyone proud, but because of Jesus (and the work He's done on my heart in 2016), I truly believe that I can go forward being a better me. 

The keyword here is better. 

It doesn't mean that I'll be perfect, prim, and proper, but it does mean that I'll be mindful of my behavior and try my best to be as Christ-like as possible. 

It doesn't mean there won't be consequences, but it does mean that I'll be more forgiving of myself and others. 

It doesn't mean that 2017 will be flawless, but it does mean that I will see the flaws as an opportunity to respond gracefully.

And while I haven't made an actual resolution list, there are a few things that I sincerely hope to accomplish in this new year. However, instead of hoping and wishing it'll happen, I am claiming that these things will happen. Words are incredibly powerful (Proverbs 18:21) and I am choosing to speak life over my year, and these goals. 

My 2017 Goals 

1. More Godly contentment. This is something that would be life changing. As much as I want to only seek the Lord's approval, I do seek the approval of man. And by doing this, I am often disappointed (people will disappoint you), and crippled by this need. Thanks to the book Uninvited, I've gotten a little better at possessing this quality, but have a ways to go. This year, I will have more Godly contentment.

2. Growing in my faith. 2016 brought many trials and challenges, and while they were stressful (and sometimes painful) they made me grow. Keith and I started doing a Bible study together that has changed my entire perspective about a figure in the Bible that I used to strongly dislike. Now, I find myself hungry to know more about this man and his heart for God. This study has also brought Keith and I closer to one another, and improved our communication. Our study is almost complete, but it doesn't stop there. This year, I want to complete at least 3 more Bible studies with my husband.

3. Make a new war room. Over the summer I watched a powerful movie called War Room, and learned how most battles in life are being fought the wrong way. We need to go to war in prayer, not with people, so that we can fight to real enemy. I made my own war room in a closet the next day, but due to that room becoming occupied and my 2-second attention span, I stopped using it. In 2017, I will make a new prayer wall or journal and be intentional in my prayer time.

4. Stop cussing. This one is embarrassing, but it's the truth. I love Jesus but I cuss a little...As much as try, especially when I am angry or watching sports, horrible things fly out of my mouth. I try not to let this happen around my children, but that's not always the case. (Go ahead, judge away you judge-y people, you!) This year, I will control my tongue and live out James 3:9-11.

5. Improve my heart health. I have felt convicted lately when it comes to my health. While I did just have a baby and know it will take time to get back into shape, I was not healthy before this pregnancy. I've always wanted to be healthier from a vanity standpoint, but now I am convicted to be healthier so that I can lower my risk of heart disease. According the the American Heart Association,

Heart disease and stroke cause 1 in 3 deaths among women each year – more than all cancers combined. Fortunately, we can change that because 80 percent of cardiac and stroke events may be prevented with education and action.

I don't know about you, but that is frightening! There is good news though...you can help prevent heart disease by managing blood pressure and cholesterol, reducing blood sugar, getting active, eating better, and losing weight. This year, I will become the healthiest version of myself!

6. Love my husband better. I don't mean to brag, but my husband is the best person that I know, and the one that reminds me the most of Jesus. He is not without faults, but I admire the way he deals with adversity, his wisdom, and his self-control. Since meeting him, he has made me want to be a better person, and in turn I want to love him better. Not that I don't love him well now, but I know I can improve. This year, I will love my husband better through my prayers, words, and actions.

7. Be intentional with my children. As a work-from-home mom, it is a huge juggling act when it comes to giving my kids quality time and being distracted by my work. I'm pretty good at time management in general, but this has been a struggle. I am grateful that the Lord has blessed me with three amazing kids, and have found immense joy in teaching the older two preschool. In 2017, I will be intentional with my children so that their childhood is one they look back on and smile.

8. Write more. Writing makes me happy and helps declutter my thoughts, but I do not make enough time for it. Whether it is on this blog or in my journal, I will write more.

9. Read more. I love reading but don't do it nearly enough. I start a book and rarely finish, but this year I will start and finish 1 book per month.

10. Book a wedding in Italy. This one might throw you for a loop, but I work part-time as a wedding videographer. This is a business that my grandmother started in 1984, and something that I've been involved in since I was 12 years old. Since her passing in 2013, I've continued her legacy by naming my company in her honor. I never pictured myself doing this as my profession, but I enjoy it very much. The destination wedding industry is huge, and while I am booking up quickly for 2017 SC, NC, and GA weddings, I would be ecstatic to book a wedding in my adoptive homeland. (Don't worry, I haven't just tossed this thought out, fingers crossed, hoping it'll happen. I'm actually doing something to make it happen...stay tuned for my details later). In 2017, I will book a wedding in Italy.

I am going to print this post out and place it in my line of sight each day, so that on December 31, 2017 I can look back and see all I've done, instead of all that I forgot to do.

Do you have any goals/resolutions for 2017? I'd love to hear them!

2016

To say that 2016 has been rough would be a huge understatement. While it wasn't all bad, there were many challenging parts. While some relationships flourished, others completely fell apart. Doors were opened, doors were slammed shut. A rough pregnancy and labor produced a beautiful baby boy. Our faith has been tested, but we are still standing. And our marriage is stronger than ever. As this year comes to a close, I am gladly turning the page to the new chapter that is 2017. There is something about a fresh start -- a blank page -- that fills me with hope. Instead of worrying about the future and trying to figure everything out, I've decided that I will just speak life over 2017!

Keith and I have been doing Beth Moore's bible study on King David and it has absolutely changed my life. Truly. But that is a post for another day. However, through this study we read Psalm 20, and it has resuscitated my soul and is what I claim for this new year.

Psalm 20

1 May the Lord answer you when you are in distress;

may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.

2 May he send you help from the sanctuary

and grant you support from Zion.

3 May he remember all your sacrifices

and accept your burnt offerings.[b]

4 May he give you the desire of your heart

and make all your plans succeed.

5 May we shout for joy over your victory

and lift up our banners in the name of our God.

May the Lord grant all your requests.

6 Now this I know:

The Lord gives victory to his anointed.

He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary

with the victorious power of his right hand.

7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,

but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

8 They are brought to their knees and fall,

but we rise up and stand firm.

9 Lord, give victory to the king!

Answer us when we call!

What incredibly powerful words! I speak this Psalm over my life and over 2017, as I believe this will not only be a MUCH better year than 2016, but it will be our best year yet!

In addition to choosing this Psalm, I have also been listening to one song in particular and it's become an anthem of sorts. It's called "Shake It Out" by Florence and the Machine and has provided me with lyrics to shout in the shower, tunes to dance to in the kitchen, and words to speak when I am frustrated, confused, or discouraged. 

Did you listen to it? It's good, yeah? (That's the Cajun in me adding yeah at the end :D)

My favorite parts: It's always darkest before the dawn and It's hard to dance with a devil on your back so shake him off. 

After the year my family has had, we are ready to shake the devil off, claim the promises that God's Word says, and have a wonderful year! 

2016 has been a mostly dark year, but the sun is rising, and 2017 is looking bright.

Are you picking Scripture or music to speak over 2017? If so, let me know!

The Place That Built Me

***I wrote this post in August and never published it.
I'm not sure why, but that changes today.***

At the beginning of this month, the kids and I traveled to Louisiana to visit with family and friends. All of the stressful problems that I was keeping quiet about on my last post just became too much, and I needed an escape. So on August 3rd at three o'clock in the morning, we took off for my Aunt's house in the Covington area. The trip was smooth and the kids were perfect, and we arrived around 1:30PM. We stayed in this area for the night and visited with my Aunt, Nanny, and a handful of cousins, and then made our way to the Lafayette area. Over the next 10 days we split our time between my mom's house in New Iberia and my Maw Maw's house in Kaplan.

While there, I felt all the stress and anger that had been crippling me in South Carolina vanish. The hardening stomach, the twitching eye, and the body aches were gone, and I was at peace. Spending time with people that love me for who I am is something that I do not take for granted. While life is Charleston is mostly enjoyable, I've never felt truly at home here. Of course, it's a beautiful place to explore and our location on the East Coast puts us near many desirable travel locations (I'm looking at you, Lake Lure ;)), but I still feel like few really know me. I don't think I'm great with people, and I often feel misunderstood. 

Because of this, I seem to be stuck in limbo. 

The place that I call home is the place where my forever friends and family live. It's a place bursting with culture and community and hospitality. Louisiana.

But the place that my husband and children call home is a place 800 miles away. A place where cobblestone stones streets and Spanish moss transport you to another time, and oysters are eaten instead of crawfish. South Carolina.

While driving down the streets of Lafayette, memories of my youth came rushing back. Meeting friends at local restaurants, shopping at the mall, nights out with my girlfriends, walks in the park...it's like the 30-year-old me traveled through time to 20-year-old me's life.

But that wasn't truly the case.

In reality, while reminiscing over the past, I was shocked and impressed at how much Lafayette has grown since I left. Entire sections of the city that used to be empty fields now contained new roads and routes to get in and out of the city. Grocery stores, restaurants, and businesses that I'd never seen appeared before my eyes and looked like they'd existed for a while.

It felt very surreal to drive the same routes I'd driven down hundreds of times, and yet feel like I was someplace foreign.

Very quickly after arriving, I threw myself a pity party. I don't belong anywhere was my theme, and I began to reevaluate myself and my current predicament in South Carolina. If I don't belong there, and I don't feel like I belong here...then where the heck do I belong?

Luckily, I snapped out of that pretty quickly, but the question remained -- Where do I belong?

I began to pray for peace and direction, and ultimately had a slight wake-up call that didn't happen once I returned to South Carolina. It was one of those Mufasa-in-the-clouds-remember-who-you-are moments. So who am I?

I am the King's Daughter.

I am a Cajun.

I am strong.

I am compassionate.

I have overcome adversity.

I am armed with passion and determination.

I am a wife and mother. 

I am me.

The next time I want to have a pity party because I'm homesick, feel rejected, or am having one of those days, I'll read this list and remind myself of all the things I am, instead of all the things I am not.

I'd be lying if I said it was all rainbows and sunshine during my visit to Louisiana, because being 7 months pregnant and a single parent to two kids under age 5 was freaking hard, and I missed that sweet husband of mine. I also didn't get to see many friends and family that I adore, AND the rain started, didn't stop, and flooded everything. BUT...I loved this visit, I needed this visit, and I've come to a rather obvious conclusion -- Life and death is in the power of the tongue.

So am I speaking life or death? 

Which one are you speaking?

When Keith and I met, I was so closed off and had built so many walls in an effort to protect my heart that I almost missed out on the love of a lifetime. I won't do that again. I won't let my scars and insecurities hinder me from actually living life. I am determined to change my outlook of Charleston and to try to build relationships here. To bloom where I am planted.

And while I don't know if I'll ever live in Louisiana again (I personally hope this isn't the case), I do find comfort in the fact that I can always go back home...and that is one lovely (and delicious) place to be. 

**I am happy to report that since August I've worked on becoming more content in who I am and have begun to grow more in my walk with Christ, as well as in my community. I may be moving at a glacial pace in regards to the latter, but progress is progress...right?**

Keeping Quiet

It's been a bit quiet around here, but what are you supposed to say when you aren't supposed to say anything?

Life lately has been challenging, and when challenging things happens in real life you're supposed to keep it to yourself and off of the internet.

Right?

Thus holds one of the most challenging parts about using writing as an outlet and your blog to document your life. Typically, if I'm not writing consistently then I'm busy with other priorities or going through something that I can't share.

Unfortunately, this time around consists of both.

While this week is actually going okay, last week was one of the most difficult that I've had in a very long time. Things seemed to be going wrong on a daily basis and the stress became unbearable. My right eye started twitching, my body ached, and I felt like I had a stomach bug. My 24 week pregnant belly also hurt here and there (I think those may have been Braxton Hicks contractions), and it was quite alarming.

All. from. stress.

And while part of me wants to blurt everything out because it would quite frankly make me feel better, I know that it would make things in real life more difficult.

So quiet I'll keep.

If I've learned anything it's that biting your tongue is (sometimes) the best thing you can do. We recently went on a trip where someone's opinion was so far off and completely ridiculous that I wanted to speak up and challenge it...but I knew by doing so I would ruin the day and create tension and ill feelings. So I literally bit my tongue.

In today's society where social media is present and speaking your mind is so easy, it's important to remember that keeping quiet doesn't mean that you approve or agree with the opinion or actions at hand. It just means that you are picking your battles wisely.

It's so easy to focus on the negative, especially when you are 100% justified in doing so, but I've also learned that you must keep your eyes on the good, praise Him through the storm, and know that when things are tough, you are learning and growing and will persevere.

In reality things could be so much worse, and I'm thankful that the Lord has protected my family and continues to provide for us. Since I won't say what's wrong, I'll say what's right.

My children have been super sweet, happy, and are healthy. Thank you, Lord. 

The pregnancy is going well and sweet Ethan is one active little dude. Thank you, Lord. 

My husband and I continue to strengthen our marriage through all of these challenges, and he never fails to protect and love me. Thank you, Lord. 

We have a home to live in, food in our bellies, and more blessings than we deserve. Thank you, Lord.

The desires of my heart are strong and my passion for things truly amazes me. Thank you, Lord.

**Life is beautiful and messy and sometimes things go wrong, and I think that what everyone needs to remember is that every action produces a reaction. Those creating the initial actions do not have the right to try and control the reaction or to inform you how it makes them feel. They created the mess, and they must accept the consequences. With time and healing I'm sure things will return to some form of normal, but in the meantime boundaries must be respected.**

So, I say all of this to say that I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things and continue sharing my heart, goals, and life...because this blog is Lindsey's Dolce Vita, and it truly is "tales of my mostly sweet, sometimes crazy, perfectly imperfect life."

Judy Hopps is my Soul Sister

I know that we're a little late to the game, but on Friday night my family and I finally watched Zootopia. A movie about a determined bunny, rookie cop named Judy Hopps and her unlikely partner, a con artist fox named Nicholas Wilde, who work to uncover a conspiracy ailing the city of Zootopia.

As a parent, I loved this movie for my kids. Of course it was cute, funny, and full of teachable moments, but more than anything it was inspiring. It showed humanity in the form of animals, and was incredibly honest. The movie ends with Judy saying, "Life's a little bit messy. We all make mistakes. No matter what type of animal you are, change starts with you."

And this I love.

There are two major themes I took away from this movie.

The first...

I want my kids to know that yes, they may only be one person, but they have a voice and it should be used for good. They should speak up for those that cannot speak for themselves (Proverbs 31:8), and never forget that they have to power to be courageous. We live in a world that is full of negativity and evilness, but yet in spite of that there are still good things here. Still beautiful moments and people and experiences, and we each have the opportunity to be a light in the darkness...to embrace who we are and soar.

(It's honestly a little difficult to believe the words above in light of this weekend's events in Orlando, Florida. On Friday, a beautiful, young, talented singer named Christina Grimmie was murdered after performing at her concert, and then on Sunday morning 50 innocent lives were stolen at the hands of an Islamic terrorist. It's unfathomable how so much harm was done in such a short amount of time, especially all in the same city! I'm absolutely sick over these vicious attacks...I just don't understand. I know that my God is bigger than this evilness and the only thing I find peace in is knowing that He is in control, and He is a just God, and those responsible for these horrific acts will face justice one way or another.)   

The second...

Another theme in this movie is sweet Judy and her "I can be anything!" attitude. Now, as someone that tries and fails often, I admired seeing a character so determined and full of gumption. (For the record, this may be my favorite word, as it literally means "shrewd or spirited initiative and resourcefulness", and that my friend is me in a nutshell. Gumption doesn't mean you always succeed, but it means you try.)

Anyway, while Judy is determined to become a cop (the first bunny cop!), her parents have a different way of looking at things.

In case you didn't watch the video, here's the just of it:

Bonnie Hopps: Of course, it is okay to have dreams.

Stu Hopps: Just as long as you don't believe too much in them.

While Stu and Bonnie Hopps mean well, they are straight up dream killers. It's perfectly fine to be realistic and share your concerns with someone, but to spew negativity stating how you just know something will not work out, or that it's definitely not a good idea is just foolish. Because here's the thing -- these people don't know how things will turn out. Just because they don't believe it can happen doesn't mean it can't.

I know many people just like Judy's parents who eagerly share how awful my plan/dreams/goals sounds. And considering that I have many interests and goals and sometimes go overboard in executing them, I somewhat understand the concern...but why not offer support or encouragement? Why not have faith and believe in that person, or why not simply keep your lips zipped?

I don't know what my future holds, but I know that if animated movies like Zootopia give me goosebumps and inspire me to keep going, then that's enough for me. I'm so thankful for movies like Zootopia and hope that my children grow up to be as determined and persistent as sweet Judy Hopps. 

2015

This past month has been a so strange, and for the most part I’ve felt a bit lost and confused.

I think this is what they call grieving.

Experiencing the euphorhia that comes with discovering a pregnancy, followed by the heartbreak of losing that child a few weeks later is draining to say the least. I’ve withdrawn from life and have been avoiding people and places, but with a new year on the horizon I have a new sense of hope and wonder.

Bad things happened, but 2015 was not a bad year. I watched my health improve and then decline. I started a business. I restarted my blog. I fell in love with Star Wars. I decided that Florida is a lovely place to be, especially Tampa. And so is Asheville. I made new friendships and tried to mend broken relationships. We traveled. I changed my hair color.  I made mistakes. I went back to the bayou. I spent my days with my precious children. I drove my husband crazy. I trusted in Him.

And I learned a lot.

I learned that it’s possible to make A’s in grad school if I stay disciplined and focused.

I learned that there truly is magic at Magic Kingdom.

I learned that it’s okay to write and draw and paint in my Bible.

I learned that potty training is the devil ridiculously frustrating.

I learned that forever friends do exist, even if you only see them once every few years.

I learned that it’s okay to press pause on one dream while pursuing another.

I learned that I can’t do everything.

I learned that what doesn’t kill you does make you stronger.

I learned that God will never leave me.

I learned that letting go doesn’t mean forgetting, but allows for healing.

While this is only a snapshot of my 2015, a lot can happen in one year. It is exciting to think that 2016 will be here tomorrow and a new chapter begins.

My wish for 2016 is to…

*Grow in my walk with God, truly falling more in love with my Jesus

*Be a better wife to my husband and mother to my children

*Make my health a priority

*Start volunteering again

*Take nothing for granted

I am thankful for all 2015 has been, but I believe that the best is yet to come (and babe, won’t it be fine?).

Figuring It Out

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Today is October 7th and I have yet to blog this month. Oops. :) Everyday I make a list of things that must get done, and blogging is always on my list. It never fails, though. I always, always, always put it off. 

To be honest, I think I've come to a point where I'm almost scared to write my words on here. I'm at the point where I'm trying to figure out who I am and who I want to be. For as long as I can remember, I have always had big dreams. And not just one dream. I'm the girl that wants to be the mom, the lawyer, the pilot, and the sailor. I want to travel everywhere and live abroad and adopt children and change the world.

But do you know the problem with having all of these different dreams? You kind of lose yourself in the mix of always wanting to be more. How many times do I start and finish a project? (I usually get distracted somewhere in the middle, forget about what I'm working on and start a new one.) As my friend Rachel pointed out to me last weekend, I am already a Mom. The life growing inside of me does not make me a mother-to-be, it makes me a mother now. That's one dream fulfilled. I am beyond words with this blessing and anxious to meet my precious baby boy...but in back of my mind I'm thinking "well, what about the other dreams?  How am I going to accomplishment _____?" (Don't misunderstand -- I'm ecstatic to enter motherhood. Literally over the moon. Period. :) )

I don't think it's a bad thing to dream a new dream and wish a new wish, but I do not think it's healthy when you start to always yearn for more. When you are always looking for that "next big thing" in your life. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am at a crossroads. I am trying to figure out which person I want in the passenger's seat of my life -- the lawyer, pilot, traveler, missionary. Can it be more than one? I know that wife and mother are already in the driver's seat. But let me be clear. 

I am not really driving this car. 

My God is. 

He is the one ultimately directing my path. I know that He knows all of the desires of my heart and will guide me in the right direction. It's up to me to trust Him. It's up to me to stop trying to analyze everything and just let it be.

So how am I going to do this? By diving head first into these books.

 The one on top is my Bible, the other my Bible handbook. 

Next question: Where does one begin? 

At the beginning. 

So that's what I'm doing. I'm soaking up the Word and praying for clear guidance. I'm reading slowly and I'm studying. Every chapter is filled with highlighter marks and question marks. And as I am learning and growing in my faith, I am completely confident that He will show me the plan for my life. 

So please bear with me. Some of my "crossroad realizations" may make it onto this blog, others will not. Some posts will be light while others heavy. Just know that I am learning and growing. And while it might not always make sense in blogland, it is a true renovation of the heart.

Disturbing News

Last night I read an article that made my heart hurt greatly. And while I understand that the media can twist the facts, there is much truth to what I read. Please know that I never intentionally want to be a Debbie Downer, but this is where my passion lies, and this not a "rainbows and sunshine" kind of post.

The article I read was about a 20/20 episode that focused on the Peace Corps, and featured a young woman named Kate Puzey. Kate was a volunteer serving in West Africa where she taught English at a local school.

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Upon being informed that a fellow teacher and Peace Corps volunteer was sexually assaulting students, she sent an email to the local Peace Corps office notifying them of his actions. She requested that her identity remain anonymous so that she would stay protected.

Not long after, Kate was found murdered.

Local police held a suspect in custody -- the man Kate emailed the Peace Corps office about. This man was recently terminated from his job at the school as a direct result of Kate's email. The police and her family believe that her murder was absolutely linked to the breach of confidentiality by the Peace Corps. This beautiful girl was murder in March of 2009 and almost two years later the Peace Corps has yet to come forth with any responsibility or information for the family.

The 20/20 episode went on to tell the story of the women who have come away with their lives, but who have been raped while serving in the Peace Corps. While it was disturbing to listen to their stories, what was even more disturbing was that the Peace Corps practically discarded these women. They encouraged false stories to cover up the rapes, and also did nothing to help these women recover offered only a few counseling sessions to help the women cope. To make matters worse, the girls were told that they must have done something wrong to have been raped.

The only word that comes to mind when I think of the way the Peace Corps has handled these situations is pathetic. I highly doubt that this is what President Kennedy envisioned when he created the Peace Corps. I am well aware that we live in a fallen world and things like rape and murder happen, but it is the responsibility of the Peace Corps to protect their volunteers instead of failing those who have been abused.

I am not writing this post to point fingers and scream judgment. I know that the Peace Corps has done amazing things in this world, and I believe that a few bad apples shouldn't ruin the whole barrel. This 20/20 program focused on the murder of Kate and the rapes/cover ups of other volunteers. I'm sure that they could have easily produced a show that highlighted all of the wonderful things the Peace Corps has done. I don't know all of the facts, and I'm sure 20/20 does not know all of the facts. However, certain things remain true:

Kate Puzey was murdered.

Volunteers have been raped, and feel betrayed.

I believe that the 20/20 story has shed a vast amount of light on what is going on within the walls of the Peace Corps, and I can only hope that the government will step up and make things right with those who are victims, and protect those currently serving.

*****

It is stories like these that push me to go further when I feel like quitting. It's this type of injustice that boils my blood and drives me to continue on this path that I have been called to. God willing, I will graduate with a degree in Criminal Justice in May 2012, and will enroll in law school in August 2012. The day where I can stop dreaming of helping and start fighting for what I believe is right will be a powerful day, indeed.

(To watch the 20/20 story click here)



The Unspoken

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Do you guys ever feel censored? Like you can't really say what's going on in your life because putting it on your blog for all the world to see will only make matters worse?

If you don't know what I'm talking about, then you're lucky.

If you do know, then I am sorry.

Because that's exactly how I feel right now.

I think of my blog like a journal and an opportunity to write for leisure. I get to share my life with you guys, and I am so thankful for the awesome, honest support system that I have through you all. I have tried to be as real as possible on here and not to appear fake in the least bit. Life is not perfect and I think it's okay to talk about problems and challenges instead of pretending like everything is okay. I feel like I've done a pretty good job at expressing my worries, fears, hopes, dreams...and everything else that makes me, me.

Lately a few things have been causing major problems in my life. I am pretty much responsible for building these hurdles that are now in my way. I wish I could write about them. It helps to get an outside perspective on the topic, but it also helps to just get it out of my head and onto "paper".

But, I just can't.

No matter how justified I believe that I am, I never want to intentionally hurt people (or start WW3) so these things are better left unsaid. These topics that are just "too much" for my blog to handle. I spoke with my Grandmother this morning and she suggested that I actually sit down and write about how I feel. Seems like the obvious, but it never really occurred to me. So that's what I'm going to do. Whether its a little post-it note or a novel, I'm going to start writing.

If you would, please pray for these unspoken things that I am currently struggling with. I am not in danger, nor am I sick. In the grand scheme of things my problems are minuscule, but as it turns out they are still challenging.

**I am sorry that this blog is a bit sad, but I am bit sad and I wanted you guys to know**

1,440 Hours In My Day

When the minutes seem like hours

and the hours seem like days
When a week goes by
you know it takes my breath away
All the minutes in the world
could never take your place
There's one thousand four hundred
forty hours in my day.
*Hanson*

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Yesterday I watched one of the most emotional videos I have seen in a really long time. It was a 10 minute video montage of military family reunions, and it really got me thinking. When I went to Louisiana in May I missed Keith so. much. To the point where I would cry at night because my better half was missing...and that was only for one week. Some families go weeks, months, and even years without seeing their loved ones. Watching the video brought tears to my eyes and really made me realize how lucky I am to see my husband everyday.

I have always had a love and fascination for the military. When I see women/men in uniform it makes my heart dance. I am always so happy to be in their presence. Back in 2005 I actually signed up for the Air Force, but due to medical reasons it never happened. I know that everything happens for a reason and that God closed that door so that He could open another.

I am so thankful for the men and women who are serving our country today. You guys are amazing and I am so very proud of you.

Better or Bitter?

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Do you ever wonder how different certain situations would be if only your response would've been better? I think about this a lot. One of my biggest struggles is my reaction to the negative/frustrating/ unfair things that come my way.

It may sound a bit ridiculous, but it's true. I can sometimes be too passionate about things, and instead of being a sane Christian woman I sometimes respond with an abundance of anger, annoyance, and frustration.

Well, Mr. Rick Warren has done it again. The email devotional I received from his ministry yesterday struck a major chord. You see, the title was "Influential Thoughts" and the focus scripture was "Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts." (Proverbs 4:23)

It went a little something like this:

My interpretation influences my situation -
It's not what happens to me that matters as much as how I choose to see it. The way I react will determine whether the circumstance makes me better or bitter. I can view everything as an obstacle or an opportunity for growth - a stumbling block or a stepping stone.

My beliefs influence my behavior -
We always act according to our beliefs, even when those ideas are false. For instance, as a child, if you believed a shadow in your bedroom at night was a monster, your body reacted in fear (adrenaline and jitters) even though it wasn't true. That's why it's so important to make sure you are operating on true information! Your convictions about yourself, about life, and about God influence your conduct.

My self-talk influences my self-esteem -
We constantly talk to ourselves. Do you run yourself down with your self-talk? Stop doing that: "As he thinks in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7 NKJV).

Wow.

I've known for a long time that my reactions and responses are not the best, and in fact they quite often make matters worse. Yet I continue to allow the worst of me to come out. The part that really stood out the most was "The way I react will determine whether the circumstance makes me better or bitter. I can view everything as an obstacle or an opportunity for growth - a stumbling block or a stepping stone."

Am I better or bitter after my response? It's that simple. My hubby is seriously one of the best "better" people that I know. He could be flicked off while driving, elbowed in the face, or yelled at by a stranger and he always responds in a Christ-like manner. To be honest It's kind of annoying because I wish I could be like this, (love you baby!) but I am so proud of him. I'm also jealous of his ability to always make situations better and not worse. He is always saying "What comes out when you're squeezed? If you fill yourself up with The Word, that is what will come out."

Not Lindsey, but God. When I am squeezed I need Him to consume my words. When I get frustrated and angry I need to take a breathe and try to make the situation better.

I am so thankful that I received this devotional. Life and death is in the power of the tongue and I definitely choose to speak life. I pray that this devotional helps those of you who struggle with this just like I do. It truly helped me remember that I do have control over my thoughts and words, and I don't want to be the "bitter" gal anymore. Let us be slow to speak and choose our thoughts and words carefully.

A note for my sweet

Last night I decided to look through our wedding pictures and figure out which ones I want to print and frame. Keith and I have been married a little over 4 months and I really do feel like I should have done this weeks ago. Oops. :o)

While looking at these pictures I became totally consumed by the love I feel for my wonderful husband. My childhood was a bit rough, which made for trust and abandonment issues. Even though I was not very nice to him at first, Keith did not give up. He did what he could to break my wall down and earn my trust. I am so glad that he did not give up on me.

Since the beginning of our relationship I have repeatedly thanked God for him. I never thought I would meet someone that would make me feel so safe and completely loved. I never thought that I would meet someone who could be silly and have random dance parties in the kitchen. I never thought I'd meet someone who would truly put my needs before his own and lead me closer to the Lord.

Well, I did. His name is Keith Joseph Christmas and he is my amazing husband.

Keith,

Thank you for being silly with me. You make me smile. so. much.

Thank you for dancing with me...whether it's on our wedding day or in our kitchen, I love it.

Thank you for making me feel safe and for showing me God's love on a daily basis.

Thank you for taking jumping pictures with me, no matter how annoying it gets.

Thank you for unexpected surprises. They mean more than you know.

And last but not least, thanks for making me the happiest girl in the world.
I love you.

more than a profession, it's a calling

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A few weeks ago I stumbled across an article on my school's website. It explained how a few students were spending their summer as international interns working on human rights issues. One girl named Joanna is in Cambodia working at Transitions Global. TG "empowers survivors of sex trafficking with the opportunity to heal and recapture the most basic of human rights: freedom and hope." Joanna is a law student working on the legal protocols at TG. Not only this, but she's getting to know the girls who have been rescued.

After reading the article the wheels in my head were spinning so fast. My first thought was "What the heck is a law student doing helping trafficking victims?" The image I have always had in my head of lawyers are the accident injury kind that you see on TV. The ones that look sleazy and resemble scum. The thought of lawyers helping people took me by surprise. (Please forgive me if I sound a bit dense...my view has obviously changed.)

It's amazing what God uses to open doors and plant desires. Since reading about Joanna's internship I feel like He has shown me the direction I need to go. I'm a Criminal Justice major with a passion for helping people, and a seriously low tolerance for injustice. Anytime I have a complaint, Keith is always encouraging me to do something about it. Stop complaining about the problem and try to fix it. (Hence my major) Since a certain desire was first planted, Keith and I have been praying for guidance. Regent Law School's motto is "Law is more than a profession, it's a calling." And I couldn't agree more.

I am happy to share with you guys that I am going to law school. :o)

I know it's not going to be easy, and I'm okay with that. It'll be a long road to even get to law school, but you have to start somewhere, right? I graduate next December with my bachelor's and will apply to law school for the fall of 2012. I've begun studying for the LSAT that I'll be taking in February and again in June if necessary. I've also started reading a book called "Redeeming Law" which focuses on your Christian calling and the legal profession. I plan on immersing myself in LSAT prep as well as reading about how to be a Christian lawyer and not just a lawyer who is Christian. I have no clue which type of law I want to focus on or where I'd like to attend, but God always takes care of these things.

Oh how I love being the King's daughter! :o)

oh how i want to be in that number...

WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN!!!!!

I know that I'm a few days late, but on Sunday the New Orleans Saints defeated the Minnesota Vikings in the NFC Championship and are going to the Superbowl!!!

The freaking SUPERBOWL!!!!!!

I cannot express the joy I had when Hartley kicked that beautiful field goal and WE WON THE GAME! For those of you who don't know much about the Saints, let me fill you in. Growing up, being a Saints fan meant being constantly disappointed and somewhat embarrassed. Year after year I would watch my parents put on their black and gold clothing (sometimes my Dad would even paint his bald head black and gold) and cheer on their team. And year after year, my parents and the majority of folks in Louisiana would refer to this team as the Aints. It was my 8th grade year when I began to notice how bad the Saints were and how poor of a coach the team had. His name was Jim Haslett, and he was terrible. The Saints also had a quarterback named Aaron Brooks. This guy would laugh after throwing interceptions (which he did ALL the time). So, I vowed that I would not be a devoted fan until these two clowns were gone. My wish came true in 2006 when Mr. Sean Payton came to town. Not only did he clean up the team, but he transformed the city.

Since then, I have been a crazy obsessed fan. Living only 40 minutes from downtown New Orleans encouraged my love for this team even more. In 2007 the Saints made their first NFC Championship appearance. I was working in NOLA as an Executive Assistant at the time and the city literally buzzed with excitement. Whether I was in line at the grocery store or in an elevator with complete strangers, everyone was talking about the Saints! Every car had a "Bless You Boys" sign in their window. We were proud of our team. Well, we ended up losing that game to the Chicago Bears. BUT, our time is now! It only took 42 years, but we've finally made it to the Superbowl. Win or lose, I am so very proud of my team. They've worked hard and deserve every bit of happiness. There is a video of fans in New Orleans right after we won the game. At the end of the video a jazz band and tons of fans marched down Bourbon St. singing the Who Dat chant. If you have a second, please watch it. It made my heart smile, and I hope it makes yours do the same. :o)

http://blog.nola.com/twobitbeat/2010/01/like_mardi_gras_on_red_bull_th.html

God never wastes anything

Everyday I receive an email from Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Devotional series. Sometimes the topic is relevant to what's going on in my life, sometimes it's not. Then there are those times where I feel like Mr. Warren is stalking me and has written the day's devotional especially for me. Oh how the Lord works in mysterious ways! The one I received today is called "Ministry: Shaped to Serve". Lately I've been feeling very uncertain about my college major and feel like God is planting a seed in me to go in a different direction. Not necessarily a different career entirely, just a different major. After reading today's email I was overjoyed and completely comforted. :o)

Your hands shaped me and made me. Job 10:8 (NIV)

God deliberately shaped and formed you to serve him in a way that makes your ministry unique. He carefully mixed the DNA recipe that created you. David praised God for this incredible personal attention to detail God gave in designing each of us: "You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous" (Psalm 139:13-14, NLT).

Not only did God shape you before your birth, he planned every day of your life to support his shaping process. David continues, "Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed" (Psalm 139:16, NLT). This means nothing that happens in your life is insignificant. God uses all of it to mold you for your ministry to others, and shape you for your service to him.

God never wastes anything. He would not give you abilities, interests, talents, gifts, personality, and life experiences unless he intended to use them for his glory. By identifying and understanding these factors you can discover God's will for your life. The Bible says you are "wonderfully complex." You're a combination of many different factors: "The people I have shaped for myself will broadcast my praises." (Isaiah 43:21, NJB)