It Never Fails

Life with Arabella has been sweetened like I would have never imagined. This precious baby girl is simply amazing. She's an easy baby, just like her brother was. She sleeps and nurses well, and so far our only difficulty has been figuring out what I'm eating that makes her puke. all. over. me. :) When I think about my daughter and how much I love her, I feel like my heart could literally burst. I felt (and still feel) this exact way about Gavin, and I never imagined that my love could multiply. But it did. And there isn't anything that I could possible say that would accurately describe my thankfulness.

 Our sweet girl

After Gavin was born, I experienced an overwhelming increase in my protective instinct, but also in the sensitivity of my heart for the motherless. On my first Mother's Day, I experienced true heartbreak for children in the Philippines. And it's happening all over again. My heart breaks a little each time I hold my babies, as I sit there thinking of the children in this world who aren't held enough. The children who have to go without. Without food. Without shelter. Without outstretched arms. Without love. Without someone to protect them. The pain that I felt with Gavin is one that I am feeling again with Arabella, and I know that God is breaking my heart and preparing me for something bigger than myself.

Keith and I have always had a heart for children, and after having our own we see the need to live out Proverbs 31:8-9. "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy." For us, that means becoming a voice for children locally and and internationally. It means giving back. It means being His hands and feet.

God has specifically broken my heart for children in the Philippines and Nicaragua, and I will continue praying for clear direction for ways to help these precious babies. Keith has a heart for evangelism and feels that wherever we go or whoever we encounter, he can perform God's Will. And while having two little ones under the age of 2 is a huge responsibility, we also know that we want to adopt. And sooner than later. 

Parenthood has definitely rocked our world, and through this role God is breaking our hearts, and using this brokenness for ministry. And I for one am eager to see where He leads us.

The Motherless and Mother's Day

Mother's Day this year was absolutely wonderful. It was my first time celebrating and I couldn't have been prouder. My wonderful husband and the little boy that I am lucky enough to call my son made the day wonderful. I woke up to beautiful pink roses, two very sweet cards, and a coupon book! The cards will forever be dear to me, but the coupon book is like gold! What's in it? I've got about 30 of those bad boys, and they range from "a romantic dinner" to "a relaxing bubble bath" to "sleeping in" (!!!) and so much more. This is absolutely my favorite thing! Keith also got me a North Face bag that I've had my eye on and it was just so sweet. My boys took me out to lunch and then we spent the day together at our home. It was perfect.

He makes me so happy. :)

While I was overwhelmed with happiness, a part of me was also very sad. I've written before about my desire to do missions in the Philippines and how my heart breaks specifically for that country. A few weeks ago I was researching different mission opportunities and I found a specific trip titled "Work with Street Children in the Philippines". This caught me off guard because I had no clue what they were talking about. Street children? As in orphans? Well, yes. But these children are not just orphans. They are orphans who live on the street and survive by begging and digging through trash. More specifically, "In the Philippines, more than 250,000 children live on the streets and around 20,000 a year are imprisoned every year. Most of these children survive by begging and scavenging in dumpsites and garbage piles for plastic bottles to recycle for small amounts of money" (via). Furthermore, these children often "resort to prostitution, and are addicted to sniffing industrial glue, which is cheap and helps silence their hunger pains" (via).  

Reading about these children and the extent of their desperation truly cut me to my core. Why God, why?? Why are children living like this? Why isn't anyone taking care of  them?!? I've always had a soft spot for children, but since having Gavin my sensitivity level has risen by much. I hurt and cry for these children and wish so badly that they didn't have to live this way. So, the night before Mother's Day, I wept for the motherless. I stared at my son and thanked God for his life, and I also prayed for those precious children in the Philippines. I prayed that one day I'd be able to look into their sweet faces and tell them how much God loves them, how much I love them. I know that one day Keith and I will adopt, and if it were up to me I'd take them all in (that's right, all 250,000), but I know that's not possible. Well, what do I know? As I typed "I know that's not possible" I felt my heart tug. God is the master of making the "impossible" happen. So I guess we'll see. I don't know why my heart aches the way it does, but I am hoping that God will use me to make a difference. 

 You are Peter. God already knows that you will make a mess,

but His plan for you is great. Go. Feed His sheep. 

-- Katie Davis, Kisses from Katie --

Clarity, Part 3

(Read part 1 and part 2)

After deciding that I no longer wanted to help from afar but rather hands-on in the Philippines, there was a lot to discuss. When was I to go? Would it be just me, or would Gavin and Keith come, too? Wait -- can I even bring a baby to the Philippines? Is it SAFE?! How much is this going to cost?!? What the heck am I thinking?!!?!

Oy.

After the avalanche of questions formed in my mind, I decided to stop. Breathe. And pray. I prayed for confirmation. I prayed that this wasn't just another one of my crazy little ideas. And when I received that confirmation, it was complete bliss. I have never felt so certain of any idea I've had in my life. This is it -- I am going to the Philippines. 

But when? We are thinking the fall/winter of next year. As for all of the other questions? I have no idea. Depending on the type of trip I am taking it may just be me. However, Keith has a friend who actually lives in the Philippines and we may take a family trip out there. My biggest concern is going there alone and having to leave Gavin for two weeks. He would be between 6 months and 9 months old and I ache already just thinking about the separation. I keep telling myself that it's not my job to worry about it. It's my job to trust God, and He'll work everything out.

Next question: How am I going to help fight human trafficking? I can't exactly go door to door and demand the freedom of imprisoned girls. While that sounds lovely, it'd be pretty much asking for danger. Nothing is for certain, but I do have a few leads. I've contacted numerous organizations to include the International Justice Mission, Love 146, Bob Tebow Evangelistic Missions and My Refuge House inquiring about missions opportunities. Unfortunately, because of the sensetive nature of the work they do, some of these organizations do not offer short-term trips, or trips at all for that matter. Unless I am willing to commit to a minimum of 9 months, I won't be able to partner with these amazing organizations. I was pretty bummed out about this situation, but there is hope. 

One night while I was on my church's missions website, I discovered that they are planning a trip to combat human trafficking. In the Philippines. With My Refuge House! Never in my life have I felt more foolish when I discovered this trip. I shook my head and said "This is impossible! What are the odds!!!!" Then, I felt as though God was shaking his head at me and asking "Did you not think I was capable?" I sat in amazement and thanked Him for this trip, while also apologizing for my ignorant shock. :) 

This mission trip is to take place next November and I have submitted my application to attend. My concern? They are only looking for 8-10 people for this trip, and my church literally has over 20,000 people. While the numbers are discouraging, if this is God's Will, then I will be apart of this team.

But wait...there's more. I was contacted by a rep from My Refuge House, which is a safe home for women and children who have been rescued from sex-trafficking, and am going to be partnering with them to raise awareness of their organization, and hopefully raise financial support. 

BUT that's not all. (God is SO good!)

When asked if I had any skills, and I was like "Um, I think I'm a good listener...OH! And I know how to film and edit!" The man I was talking to seemed really excited about this and said that may be an avenue for me to take. My Refuge House is putting together a Media Team to film in the Philippines and depending on when it happens, I could potentially be a part of this!!!! I cannot explain the excitement I have over this possibility! Just when I thought that I couldn't make a difference on my own, BAM! God shows up and opens the door. 

So while nothing is set in stone and many things have to happen for me to make it to the Philippines next year, I am preparing myself as if things are already set. Because when it happens and I get the news that I am going, I want to be ready. Spiritually, physically and financially ready. 

This is only the beginning of my journey to fight human trafficking, and it will not be the only time I contribute. Law school is definitely still an option, and I am overflowing with anxious excitement to see what the future holds.

(pics from here and here)

Clarity, Part 2

It's been over a month since I've written Clarity, Part 1 and I am finally ready to sit down and put part 2 of this amazing journey into words. (If you missed the first half,  click here) I ended part 1 with this statement -- "You guys are never going to believe what happened next in this insanely wonderful journey that has only just begun." Talk about a cliffhanger, eh? (Sorry about that!)  

After I felt the Lord telling me that human trafficking is to be my main focus (besides motherhood and being a wife), I began to pray about what I should do to get involved. There are numerous organizations that help rescue, stop and bring awareness to this awful issue, but which area should I contribute to? In the past, I have partnered with the Not For Sale organization and helped to raise awareness. I know how important it is to bring awareness to this subject, but speaking for myself, this wasn't enough for me. I have always wanted to do more. 

So, I prayed. I read my Bible and I asked God to show me what to do. One night, I had the most realistic dream that Keith and I had moved to the Philippines and became full-time missionaries. It was marvelous! I awoke the next morning sadden that it was only a dream, and began to spill the details to my husband. Lol he was a little surprised because this was so out of left field, but he just smiled and told me that my dream was awesome. For the next few days I could not shake this dream from my mind. I never had the desire to be a full-time missionary, so why would this dream have such a hold on me? 

It was from there that I realized that maybe this dream wasn't "telling" me to become a full-time missionary, but was leading me to an area of focus -- the Philippines. After this realization, my OCD was back in full force! While I continued to pray and dive deeper in His word, I also began reading about the Philippines and their history with human trafficking. This is what I found:

The Philippines is a source, transit, and destination country for human trafficking. The number of Philippine and foreign child victims in the Philippines range from 20,000 to 100,000. Foreign tourists, particularly other Asians, sexually exploit women and children in the Philippines. via

The more I read, the more I lost myself to this country's problem. Once I knew the severity of trafficking, the next question was still the first -- "How do I help???" From this point, I felt that the way to meet the need was not from the comfort of my own home, but there. In the Philippines.

To be continued...

(picture from here)

Clarity, Part 1

Last month I spilled my heart out on a topic that left me at a crossroads in my life. Long story short, I was trying to determine who I wanted to be other than a mother and a wife. Which one of my big dreams did I want to focus on and accomplish, instead of always yearning for the next project. 

I am happy to report that things have been going amazing, and I have not been sitting around making lists and analyzing the pros and cons to each dream. (This in itself is a miracle!) Instead, I have been given the clarity I so desperately wanted, and have been studying and preparing myself for what's next.

So what is it? 

Well, as I've written about before, my heart absolutely breaks when it comes to human trafficking. The fact that more people are enslaved today than during the African slave trade completely baffles me. And what's worse? Most people in today's society have no idea it is even happening. Furthermore, if they do know about it, they think it happens in places like "the Sudan", not here in America. (Someone actually told me that) 

So, as I was praying and seeking guidance from the One who holds me in His hands, different news stories, organizations, and facts were placed in front of me that completely grabbed all of my attention. These weren't things I'd never read about before, but this time when I read them my whole being ached. I was literally falling apart every time a new story was placed in front of me. It was through this that I felt God calling me to leave my other goals and dreams (Seeing the world, moving my family to Italy, getting my pilots license) behind and focus on this one.

So should I choose the path that leads me to lawyerhood and fight trafficking that way? I don't know yet. Should I become a full-time missionary and rescue girls out of slavery? I don't know yet. And you know what? I don't have to know these things yet. Here I sit, pointed in the right direction, learning and growing in Him and learning more and more about myself. The one thing I do know is that I am called to a specific area, and am preparing myself to be His hands and feet there.

You guys are never going to believe what happened next in this insanely wonderful journey that has only just begun.

To be continued...

(picture via here)

Figuring It Out

 via

Today is October 7th and I have yet to blog this month. Oops. :) Everyday I make a list of things that must get done, and blogging is always on my list. It never fails, though. I always, always, always put it off. 

To be honest, I think I've come to a point where I'm almost scared to write my words on here. I'm at the point where I'm trying to figure out who I am and who I want to be. For as long as I can remember, I have always had big dreams. And not just one dream. I'm the girl that wants to be the mom, the lawyer, the pilot, and the sailor. I want to travel everywhere and live abroad and adopt children and change the world.

But do you know the problem with having all of these different dreams? You kind of lose yourself in the mix of always wanting to be more. How many times do I start and finish a project? (I usually get distracted somewhere in the middle, forget about what I'm working on and start a new one.) As my friend Rachel pointed out to me last weekend, I am already a Mom. The life growing inside of me does not make me a mother-to-be, it makes me a mother now. That's one dream fulfilled. I am beyond words with this blessing and anxious to meet my precious baby boy...but in back of my mind I'm thinking "well, what about the other dreams?  How am I going to accomplishment _____?" (Don't misunderstand -- I'm ecstatic to enter motherhood. Literally over the moon. Period. :) )

I don't think it's a bad thing to dream a new dream and wish a new wish, but I do not think it's healthy when you start to always yearn for more. When you are always looking for that "next big thing" in your life. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am at a crossroads. I am trying to figure out which person I want in the passenger's seat of my life -- the lawyer, pilot, traveler, missionary. Can it be more than one? I know that wife and mother are already in the driver's seat. But let me be clear. 

I am not really driving this car. 

My God is. 

He is the one ultimately directing my path. I know that He knows all of the desires of my heart and will guide me in the right direction. It's up to me to trust Him. It's up to me to stop trying to analyze everything and just let it be.

So how am I going to do this? By diving head first into these books.

 The one on top is my Bible, the other my Bible handbook. 

Next question: Where does one begin? 

At the beginning. 

So that's what I'm doing. I'm soaking up the Word and praying for clear guidance. I'm reading slowly and I'm studying. Every chapter is filled with highlighter marks and question marks. And as I am learning and growing in my faith, I am completely confident that He will show me the plan for my life. 

So please bear with me. Some of my "crossroad realizations" may make it onto this blog, others will not. Some posts will be light while others heavy. Just know that I am learning and growing. And while it might not always make sense in blogland, it is a true renovation of the heart.