The Place That Built Me

***I wrote this post in August and never published it.
I'm not sure why, but that changes today.***

At the beginning of this month, the kids and I traveled to Louisiana to visit with family and friends. All of the stressful problems that I was keeping quiet about on my last post just became too much, and I needed an escape. So on August 3rd at three o'clock in the morning, we took off for my Aunt's house in the Covington area. The trip was smooth and the kids were perfect, and we arrived around 1:30PM. We stayed in this area for the night and visited with my Aunt, Nanny, and a handful of cousins, and then made our way to the Lafayette area. Over the next 10 days we split our time between my mom's house in New Iberia and my Maw Maw's house in Kaplan.

While there, I felt all the stress and anger that had been crippling me in South Carolina vanish. The hardening stomach, the twitching eye, and the body aches were gone, and I was at peace. Spending time with people that love me for who I am is something that I do not take for granted. While life is Charleston is mostly enjoyable, I've never felt truly at home here. Of course, it's a beautiful place to explore and our location on the East Coast puts us near many desirable travel locations (I'm looking at you, Lake Lure ;)), but I still feel like few really know me. I don't think I'm great with people, and I often feel misunderstood. 

Because of this, I seem to be stuck in limbo. 

The place that I call home is the place where my forever friends and family live. It's a place bursting with culture and community and hospitality. Louisiana.

But the place that my husband and children call home is a place 800 miles away. A place where cobblestone stones streets and Spanish moss transport you to another time, and oysters are eaten instead of crawfish. South Carolina.

While driving down the streets of Lafayette, memories of my youth came rushing back. Meeting friends at local restaurants, shopping at the mall, nights out with my girlfriends, walks in the park...it's like the 30-year-old me traveled through time to 20-year-old me's life.

But that wasn't truly the case.

In reality, while reminiscing over the past, I was shocked and impressed at how much Lafayette has grown since I left. Entire sections of the city that used to be empty fields now contained new roads and routes to get in and out of the city. Grocery stores, restaurants, and businesses that I'd never seen appeared before my eyes and looked like they'd existed for a while.

It felt very surreal to drive the same routes I'd driven down hundreds of times, and yet feel like I was someplace foreign.

Very quickly after arriving, I threw myself a pity party. I don't belong anywhere was my theme, and I began to reevaluate myself and my current predicament in South Carolina. If I don't belong there, and I don't feel like I belong here...then where the heck do I belong?

Luckily, I snapped out of that pretty quickly, but the question remained -- Where do I belong?

I began to pray for peace and direction, and ultimately had a slight wake-up call that didn't happen once I returned to South Carolina. It was one of those Mufasa-in-the-clouds-remember-who-you-are moments. So who am I?

I am the King's Daughter.

I am a Cajun.

I am strong.

I am compassionate.

I have overcome adversity.

I am armed with passion and determination.

I am a wife and mother. 

I am me.

The next time I want to have a pity party because I'm homesick, feel rejected, or am having one of those days, I'll read this list and remind myself of all the things I am, instead of all the things I am not.

I'd be lying if I said it was all rainbows and sunshine during my visit to Louisiana, because being 7 months pregnant and a single parent to two kids under age 5 was freaking hard, and I missed that sweet husband of mine. I also didn't get to see many friends and family that I adore, AND the rain started, didn't stop, and flooded everything. BUT...I loved this visit, I needed this visit, and I've come to a rather obvious conclusion -- Life and death is in the power of the tongue.

So am I speaking life or death? 

Which one are you speaking?

When Keith and I met, I was so closed off and had built so many walls in an effort to protect my heart that I almost missed out on the love of a lifetime. I won't do that again. I won't let my scars and insecurities hinder me from actually living life. I am determined to change my outlook of Charleston and to try to build relationships here. To bloom where I am planted.

And while I don't know if I'll ever live in Louisiana again (I personally hope this isn't the case), I do find comfort in the fact that I can always go back home...and that is one lovely (and delicious) place to be. 

**I am happy to report that since August I've worked on becoming more content in who I am and have begun to grow more in my walk with Christ, as well as in my community. I may be moving at a glacial pace in regards to the latter, but progress is progress...right?**

Ethan's Birth Story

I haven't written in quite some time, and managed to skip those last 10 weeks of updating the pregnancy on the blog.

Oops.

Let's just leave those weeks to themselves, as they were filled with lots of excruciating back pain, heart burn, Braxton hicks contractions, and me impatiently waiting to go into labor. I truly thought that this sweet baby would be at least a week early and be born in October. I worried so much (for nothing) that I wouldn't be able to go trick-or-treating with Gavin and Arabella, when in reality I was almost a week late.

So, let's start from my 40 week check-up (Wednesday 11/2), where I was told that I had not progressed at all from the 39 week appointment and was only 1 cm dilated. While I usually don't put a lot of stock in dilation (Gav was a week early and I was only 1.25 cm dilated at that point), I was feeling really defeated. How could we be 40 weeks pregnant and not being dilated more than 1 cm??? This appointment was on a Wednesday and I made it through the weekend and had another check-up on Monday, November 7.

During Monday's appointment (11/7), we learned that I was only 2 cm dilated and that my blood pressure was elevated. Normally my blood pressure is normal or low, so for me a 123/88 reading was concerning. We decided to schedule an induction for Wednesday, November 9th. I left the appointment feeling both relieved that I wouldn't be pregnant for much longer, but also nervous because I did not want to be induced. For Gavin and Arabella, I was able to labor without any medication and had both babies naturally without an epidural. I was hoping to do the same for Ethan, but obviously his safety was the most important thing.

I got home from the appointment and surprisingly began having contractions every 8 minutes. They never got closer, and I went to sleep for the night knowing that if I was actually able to rest, then this was not active labor.

I woke up the next day...still pregnant and still having contractions. This day just happened to be Election Day (11/8). Gavin was born on Leap Day and it would be pretty fitting that Ethan would arrive on another unique holiday...but thankfully he didn't. Due to E being almost a week past his due date most of our Charleston family members were going to be out of town or unavailable to watch Gav and Bella when I went into labor, but luckily my littlest sister, Lacey, flew in from Florida and arrived on Tuesday (11/8) at 6PM.

Thank God that she did, because two hours later I started having contractions that were every 3-6 minutes. After about an hour of this, I called my doctor, grabbed my stuff, and Keith and I headed to the hospital!

Last bump picture that Lacey snapped!

We arrived at the hospital around 9:30PM, and I was told that I was 3cm dilated. This was definitely an improvement, but the contractions were horrible and I knew we had a while to go before the pain was over.

KC and I before things got crazy

Two hours later, it was hell on earth. This labor seemed to be 10 times more painful than it was for Gavin and Arabella, and I was desperate for relief. While I didn't get an epidural, I did request pain medication in an IV. I was given a dose of Dilaudid for the pain and a dose of Phenergan to prevent nausea. Let me be very clear -- The drugs were POINTLESS. They did NOTHING to "take the edge off" of the pain and literally made me SLEEP during labor! I would pass out for a few minutes and then wake up to feel the most intense pain I've ever felt. However, I'm somewhat glad that I took the IV drugs, because Keith was able to have some amazing God conversations with our sweet nurse and photographer. :)

Since I was super drugged up and passed out I don't know the exact details of how fast I progressed, but let me tell you...the whole shebang only lasted 5 hours! From arriving at the hospital to delivering our boy, it was a hard five hour journey.

My doctor arrived at some point, and at 8cm he offered to break my water. (My water broke naturally for Arabella at 9.5cm and literally pushed her almost all the way out, while my water was accidentally broken during a check for Gavin, and I spent the next hour and 16 minutes in excruciating pain. It was an easy decision for me -- let my water break on it's own.) Well, this didn't sit well with my doctor, because he ripped his gloves off and said, "Are you serious? Well, fine! If you want to be in more pain, go ahead." And he walked away. Now, had I not been drugged up I would have likely kicked him out of the room, since who in their ever loving mind speaks to a patient like this at all, nonetheless DURING active labor?

Anyway, he walked out and I progressed from 8cm to 10cm, and my water was still intact. Once I began pushing, my water broke, and my doctor made his way back...only to walk away again while I was pushing to watch the Election results on TV. (Yes, we had the TV on...we didn't want to miss the news since we were awake anyway!) So as my nurse and husband are holding my legs and coaching me, my doctor is watching TV.

After a few pushes, the ring of fire, and the most horrific pain of my life, out came our beautiful baby boy! At 2:30AM, right when Trump was being announced as our president, we welcomed our third child into the world. Weighing 7lbs. 15oz and was 18" long. His head circumference was 14" and the nurses informed me that was a little on the big side...which also explains the pain this time around.

Proud Daddy

Cutting the cord

Keith told me that after each time I give birth, I let out a certain cry. It's a cry that is both joyful and sad -- one that reflects the pain of labor with the exhilaration of birth.

Since Ethan was born in the middle of the night, we stayed in the laboring room for a few hours and then around 6AM made our way to our recovery room. Keith and the older kids met us around 1PM that day, and it was the sweetest little meeting. Arabella was absolutely infatuated with Ethan, while Gavin was impressed but also wanted us to go home with them. :)

While it was a bit lonely and isolating being in the hospital with just me and Ethan, it was also refreshing. I loved spending time with my new son and learning this new person's needs. I did experience very intense stomach cramps that were caused by nursing (the suckling makes the uterus contract, which is ultimately a good thing because it helps it get back to it's normal size a quicker, but man did it hurt), and that was a bit difficult. I also tore (only 1st degree, surprisingly), and that made things uncomfortable to say the least.

One thing I absolutely have to say is that through all of the struggles, stress, and turmoil that Keith and I have experienced during this pregnancy (it's been a tough season), our God is good. He is so good, even when things are not. A huge worry of mine was having Ethan circumcised (even though Gavin is and it's a pretty normal thing, I've just read too many articles recently and was worried about the pain our little baby would feel), and when the pediatrician came in to check on him, he told me that Ethan has barely any foreskin and that he is naturally circumcised. That even if we wanted to get the procedure done, he would have referred us to a urologist when E was 6-9 months old! GUYS. I didn't even think this was an option or even happened, but it did! So all that worrying I did was for absolutely nothing. God took care of it in the most unexpected way, and we are so thankful!

(I contemplated putting this part in, but it's part of the story so...)

Unfortunately, my doctor continued to be difficult after delivery (he wanted to give me one particular pain medication and I only wanted something mild like Motrin) and I had to fight with him (through the nurses) to get it. He refused multiple times to give me Motrin and I had to threaten to speak to hospital management before he caved and let me have it. He never came by to explain to me the reason for his choice, and I am at a total loss as to why he treated me this way. It was very out of character for him, as he is usually kind and gentle. Maybe his candidate lost, maybe he was having a rough day...I really don't care either way. His unprofessional and borderline unethical behavior negatively impacted my experience and I will no longer be seeing him for any of my OB needs.

(Okay, back to the good stuff...)

While my doc was a total imbecile, the nurses that took care of Ethan and me were incredible! Charlotte, Helen, Deb, Jennifer, Nicole....thank you, thank you for all of your kindness and professionalism! And again, my experience (minus my doctor) at Trident Medical Center was wonderful. Keith actually joined me for a Celebratory Dinner that the hospital provided, which included a delicious steak dinner, cake, sparkling grape juice, and wine glasses. It was lovely! (I know this birth story is a bit negative, but if you want to read about the wonderful experiences I had with Gavin and Arabella, click their names.)

I am beyond thankful to have carried these babies in my womb and to have experienced natural childbirth 3 times (I'm counting Ethan's as natural due to the fact that I didn't have an epidural and felt everything regardless of the pain medication), and to have been pregnant four times (sweet Hayden, you are not forgotten). However, after my experience with Ethan I am pretty sure that we've reached our maximum for biological children. (But let's not rule out adoption and fostering ;))

Father's Day: Healing & Hopeful

Up until my husband became a father, I was never a fan of Father's Day. My earthly father has not been the kind of man that one should ever celebrate or devote an entire day to, and Father's Day was always a hard day filled with flashbacks from my childhood, anger, and sadness. 

But something incredible happened. 

I watched the man that I married become a father to our son, and then our daughter, and I started to heal. Seeing the way a father should act has been one of the most beautiful things I've witnessed in my adulthood. Now, the man I chose to marry is the complete opposite of my father. For starters, he's not an abusive alcohol so I call that a big win from the get-go, but it's more than that. My husband is gentle and patient, he is kind and silly, and the best part of all he that is a Christ follower who teaches our children about God. Seeing him interact with our children has slowly but surely put all of those broken pieces back together. 

Right about now I'm sure I sound like a Kelly Clarkson song, and if that's what you're thinking then you'd be right. Sweet Kelly and I apparently have a lot in common when it comes to our father's, and her most recent song Piece by Piece is one that is very dear to me. While my father didn't abandon me like Kelly's did, he created a hostile and abusive environment for my sisters and I to grow up in. He emotionally, verbally, and physically abused my mother, and when I got old enough he tried to do the same to me.

Except I left home at 17 to live with my grandmother and I never looked back. Because while I saw what was happening all those years, I swore that I would never let a man treat me like that, and to this day one never has. (Well, they've tried...but this Cajun mouth hasn't kept quiet, and those men have no part in my life.)

To this day there is still turmoil with my father. He is erratic and even more of a drunk than he used to be. I've tried to help...tried to allow him to be a grandfather to my children, but the first time he yelled at me in front my children was the last time he ever saw them. As a Christian, I do believe that one should honor their mother and their father (Exodus 20:12), but I also believe that you should distance yourself from things causing you to sin and things that are toxic. (Mark 9:47)

So that's what I've done. 

Last month on the day I finished graduate school and earned a Masters degree, I received three incredibly rude and threatening messages from my father. He'd just figured out that I removed him from my Facebook and he could no longer see pictures of my children, and he was furious. He told me I was crazy...that I was messed up in the head. That I was a child and a coward and threatened that something would happen if he was not allowed to see his grandchildren. (FYI - all curse words have been removed)

On that day, in my heart, it. was. done. I was done. The power that he once had over me was gone because I was no longer a little girl, but a mother with an instinct to protect her children, and I was livid. The strange thing is that I no longer feel anger towards him, only sorrow for all that he has lost. I have forgiven him in my heart for all of his wrongdoings, but will not allow him to cause anymore harm.

On this day, Father's Day, I am disappointed that I do not get to celebrate that relationship in my own life, but I am abundantly excited to shower my husband with love. I know that in this world marriages fail just as often as they succeed, but I truly have faith that our marriage will be one that lasts. However, if something goes wrong and I do nothing else right, I can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that my children have been blessed with the most amazing father. 

It's taken a really long time to understand this because in my mind the word father is not synonymous with good things, but I do have another father. This Father adores me and is proud of me. He will never hurt me or leave me. He is perfect and caring and a King, and technically that makes me a princess. I know that I can do all things through His strength, and that He is always there for me. 

And that's a beautiful thing. 

***If you're reading this and can relate to the relationship that I have with my earthly father, I urge you to come to terms with the facts, get angry about it and then let that anger go. Forgive him. If you can repair that relationship, try. If you've tried there's still suffering, walk away. Pray for him. He will always be your father, but he doesn't have the right to hold that fact over your head or to take credit for your accomplishments. Run to your heavenly Father. Dive into His Word. It's going to be okay. Maybe not right away, but eventually, you're going to be okay.***

Weekend End Wrap-Up

This past weekend was one filled with tears (the good kind), exploring, resting, and relaxing.

On Friday, Keith and I headed out on an early date and saw the movie that I've been looking forward to for months, Me Before You. Having read the book, I knew what I was getting myself into, but that didn't stop me from sobbing the last 30 minutes of the film. This story is one of love and loss and is hauntingly beautiful, and I highly recommend watching it. However, maybe check it out on a Sunday afternoon instead of on a big Friday night. After the movie, Keith and I went out to dinner and both felt a bit exhausted and heavy after watching the ever delightful Louisa Clark and the handsome Will Traynor.

Silently sobbing makes for a good swollen face :)

We awoke on Saturday to a bright and sunny day, and decided to take the kids out and explore a bit of Charleston. While we always say that we live in Charleston, we actually live 20 minutes from downtown and don't venture out as often as we'd like. One of our favorite places, Cypress Gardens, was damaged during last year's massive flood and has yet to re-open, so we're always looking for new places to go with the kids.

Keith mentioned heading to Fort Moultrie, which is located in Sullivan's Island about 40 minutes from our house, and I hesitantly agreed. The only time we visited was years ago during the winter and we froze our butts off. However, this time around we had the most wonderful experience!

Arabella has been taking very unpredictable naps and ended up sleeping for most of the time, so she missed out on exploring the fort and checking out the cannons. We ended up wandering around the front of the fort and discovered a path to Sullivan's Beach!

Our little Bella Reese woke up to see one of favorite places (if not her favorite!) and loved hanging out in the water. After spending time at Ft. Moultire, we stopped for lunch and ice cream, Toys R Us, and headed home to relax for the rest of the evening.

On Sunday, I woke up feeling a bit sore and had a pretty intense backache. I think the combination of walking a little too much and riding in Keith's lifted truck made this happen, but I was still feeling okay. Then, my sweet Gavin tried to give me a kiss and accidentally head-butted me in the nose. Now, as a mom I've been head-butted plenty of times before, but this time was incredibly painful. I immediately burst into tears and checked for blood, because I was sure that my nose was broken. Luckily, there was no blood and if anything my nose is only bruised, but the headache it caused lasted for most of the day. :( Gavin felt horrible but I assured him that it was okay, but I was pretty much useless the rest of the day. We did get to watch Djokovic win the French Open (GO DJOK!!!!) and that was awesome.

I also watched the Miss USA pageant and really enjoyed seeing how diverse and intelligent this year's contestant were. Pageants get a lot of heat for being just "beauty pageants", and yes these women are beautiful, but they are also strong and intelligent and fearless. I follow a lot of the contestants and pageant sites on Instagram and my favorites going in to the competition were South Carolina, South Dakota, and Hawaii. After the initial introductions, I was also rooting for D.C. to win because I admire her service in the Army. 

District of Columbia, Hawaii, South Carolina, and South Dakota

All of my favorites made it to the Top 10, except South Carolina who made it to the Top 15. Each year I watch this and it is clear that you must have confidence and poise to make it to the interview, but if you bomb said interview then you're toast! Alabama and California were fan favorites and doing so well, and then their answers were lacking and a bit painful to watch and they did not move forward. 

It does seem a bit convenient that the military contestant was asked a question about the government allowing women to fight in combat, while Hawaii was asked who she was going to vote for (Clinton vs. Trump...really????). Both contestants handled the questions well, but I do think Hawaii had an unfair advantage that may have cost her the crown. 

Overall, it was a wonderful weekend and I am so thankful that I get to do life with these people!

How was your weekend? 

What did you do?

30th Birthday Recap

The day I turned 30 was truly one of the best days of my life. It was the kind of day that you want to revisit over and over and not change a single detail. It was spent at one of my favorite places with my favorite people, and was practically perfect.

We awoke bright and early and left our cabin in Lake Lure at 8:00am and headed to Asheville, which was about an hour away. The winding mountain roads mixed with the morning light made for lovely ride. I spoke with sweet friends and family, and we arrived at the Biltmore around 9:00am. After stopping at the Will Call desk to take our season pass holder pictures and pick up our equestrian tickets, we headed to Antler Hill Village to drop off my dad and the kids. Then, Keith and I headed to Deer Park Barn where we had reservations for an hour-long trail ride!

 This was my first time riding a horse and I was a little worried about how this ride would go, but I’m happy to report that we had a fantastic time! Our trail ride leader, Caitlyn, was so friendly and knowledgable, and we really enjoyed riding through the forest and learning about the Biltmore. My horse’s name was Leo and he was a sweet, fast-walking, while Keith rode Diesel, who was a slow and gentle guy.

After our ride, we grabbed my Dad and the kids and headed to the Estate! For only $20 you can valet park your car, and that it what we do every time we visit. (The convenience outweighs the price by far!) We made our way to the Stable Cafe, which is a restaurant located in, you guessed it, an old horse stable. While it might not sound appealing, it is in fact a lovely restaurant with excellent food! I recommend the estate-grown burger and potato soup.

After lunch we walked the grounds in front of the house and enjoyed the view of the beautiful architecture and mountains in the distance.

Next, we stopped to take in the gorgeous mountain view that frames the Estate, then headed inside for an audio tour. 

After our day of exploring, we headed back to our cabin in Lake Lure and relaxed, ate some cake, and thanked God for our blessings!

No. 24 - Attend a Yankee game in NYC

Playing Catch Up

It's been two months since I've last written and so much has changed. For starters, I am happy to report that things are much better since my last post, where it seemed like my family and I were under attack. Here's what we've been up to:

* We moved again! For the fourth time in three years, my family and I have relocated. We are now living in North Carolina, in the lovely town of Mooresville (just 30 minutes north of Charlotte). This move was very sudden, but it is a great one for my family. Keith works mostly in NC, and now we will be seeing a lot more of him. :) So far we are loving Mooresville and cannot wait to start this new chapter with our kiddos.

* I started graduate school in August! I am currently taking my second class and enjoying the material. I'm in the online criminal justice graduate program at the University of Cincinnati, and currently contemplating transferring to a different school to enroll in an MBA program with an emphasis on criminal justice. Regardless, I am happy with this decision to further my education. :)

* Arabella is now four-months-old and Gavin is now 20-months-old! These two sweet (and sometimes crazy) kiddos keep me very busy, but I absolutely adore it. Being a mom is my greatest joy and I love that I get to spend my days at home with them. 

* We are selling our house in Charleston, South Carolina! Obviously we've moved to North Carolina, and we have decided to sell! The last time we moved we rented our house, but that experience was awful. So we're going to try and sell our house. This is such a huge decision for us. My husband bought this house back in 2008 when he was only 23-years-old. It was his first major purchase and means a lot to him. The fact that he is willing to sell this house means the world to me. Once it is listed, I'll post information for anyone who is looking to buy in the Charleston area.

*Halloween came and went, and while we don't really celebrate it I couldn't pass up the opportunity to dress up my kiddos. My little Eric and Ariel. :) 

That's all I've got for today. I'm off to unpack our new home and to spend time with my babies! I'm really hoping to write more. I feel like writing helps to not only document this beautiful life, but to also give me a second to reflect on everything, and have some "me time", too. :) 

I hope you guys have a lovely Monday!

(Halloween pictures were taken by the same lovely photographer who took my maternity and Arabella's birth and newborn pics. Tamara at Bump Meet Baby Studio. :)

Come What May

 

To say that my family and I have had a rough couple of weeks would be an understatement. It seems like everything is going wrong. I'm sure you're thinking I'm being dramatic, but let me fill you in on just a few things that have happened over the last couple of weeks:

 

* My debit card number was stolen and our checking account was drained.

* I fell down the stairs, scraped my arm, and got a bruise the size of Texas on my rear.

* Keith had his worst month of sales since entering his industry in 2011.

* While hammering a nail to hang a picture on the day of my husband's birthday gathering, I punctured the freon line and caused $$$ in damage.

* Gav drove his Tonka truck over my iPad and cracked the screen. 

More things have happened, but I'll stop the list at five. (And yes, the iPad getting cracked isn't too much of a big deal, but add in a broken laptop and a graduate program starting next week and we've got a situation!) I was fixing to write a post about seasons and the ups and downs of life, and then I remembered that I wrote a guest post for my lovely friend Al over at Traffic Jelly a little over a year ago. The same words written then still ring true today, so I thought I'd share it here on My Dolce Vita.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

While blog hopping one night in 2010, I stumbled upon a beautiful girl in the midst of a heartbreaking season. I didn't know anything about her except that she was strong, honest, and raw. I love that about Al. :) So when she reached out for guest postings, I didn't think twice. Today I am inspired by Al to write about something that so often enters my mind, and that is the seasons of life.

 

We all go through them. Some are wonderful, some are messy, and some are just plain rotten. We get hit by life's curve balls and sometimes it's too easy to accept defeat or think that things cannot possibly get better. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. But here's the thing -- the season will change. Things will change. After all, they are called seasons. 

I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and each season we go through teaches us valuable lessons. Whether you are forced to learn the hard way or are blessed with a joyful season, it doesn't matter. Nothing stays the same. As a new Mom, I am learning this daily. My son, Gavin, was born on Leap Day and is already 4 months old. This tiny little soul who used to sleep all day has found his voice and is now quite the random screamer. He is rolling around, scooting across the floor, trying to eat his toes, and at this very moment, making gargling noises. So much has changed in only 4 months that I want to grab time by the shoulders and say "PLEEEEASE. Slow. Down!"

But I can't.

And that's why we need to soak in every season. Time is fleeting. Do I like 4am feedings and poopy diapers? Of course not. But will I miss them on his first day of school or when he learns how to drive? Absolutely. (My stomach just sank at the thought of my baby being a teen...woah.) For me, this season would be considered a good one. But rewind to January and things weren't so peachy. My husband's company filed bankruptcy and laid off everyone when I was 8 months pregnant. And while losing his income hurt, the biggest lost was our health insurance. We had recently relocated to Atlanta, GA for his job and were now stuck with with no job, no insurance, and no family. Oy. Let's just say it was a stressful, scary season.

But you know what? Everything worked out. We ended up applying for health assistance through the government and were approved a week before Gavin was born. I delivered a healthy baby boy without any complications, and in March my husband received a job offer for the best job he's ever had. In a matter of months everything completely turned around. Without a doubt, we give 100% credit to the one who holds us in His hands.

I personally think the most important thing to do when stuck in an unpleasant or unfortunate season and is to not lose faith. Don't give up hope. Persevere. Things may have to get worse before they get better, but I can promise you that eventually, it will get better. When I think about past seasons, I tend to chuckle a bit. In high school I was confident my life was over when I didn't make the cheerleading squad junior year. In middle school, I just knew that was it when I got caught passing notes. And when I was making poor choices in my wild season and feeling more than lost, I just knew things would never get better. But I was wrong.

Just remember that it takes time to transition from one season to the next. Also remember that the tough ones will make you stronger. I hope this post encouraged you to hang on, keep the faith, and know that you are not alone.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

 Deuteronomy 31:6 

~~~~~~~~~~~

So, we're praising Him in this storm. Because as with all seasons, this storm is on its way out!

It Never Fails

Life with Arabella has been sweetened like I would have never imagined. This precious baby girl is simply amazing. She's an easy baby, just like her brother was. She sleeps and nurses well, and so far our only difficulty has been figuring out what I'm eating that makes her puke. all. over. me. :) When I think about my daughter and how much I love her, I feel like my heart could literally burst. I felt (and still feel) this exact way about Gavin, and I never imagined that my love could multiply. But it did. And there isn't anything that I could possible say that would accurately describe my thankfulness.

 Our sweet girl

After Gavin was born, I experienced an overwhelming increase in my protective instinct, but also in the sensitivity of my heart for the motherless. On my first Mother's Day, I experienced true heartbreak for children in the Philippines. And it's happening all over again. My heart breaks a little each time I hold my babies, as I sit there thinking of the children in this world who aren't held enough. The children who have to go without. Without food. Without shelter. Without outstretched arms. Without love. Without someone to protect them. The pain that I felt with Gavin is one that I am feeling again with Arabella, and I know that God is breaking my heart and preparing me for something bigger than myself.

Keith and I have always had a heart for children, and after having our own we see the need to live out Proverbs 31:8-9. "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy." For us, that means becoming a voice for children locally and and internationally. It means giving back. It means being His hands and feet.

God has specifically broken my heart for children in the Philippines and Nicaragua, and I will continue praying for clear direction for ways to help these precious babies. Keith has a heart for evangelism and feels that wherever we go or whoever we encounter, he can perform God's Will. And while having two little ones under the age of 2 is a huge responsibility, we also know that we want to adopt. And sooner than later. 

Parenthood has definitely rocked our world, and through this role God is breaking our hearts, and using this brokenness for ministry. And I for one am eager to see where He leads us.

Arabella's Birth Story

On the night of my due date (June 27th), I was getting ready for bed when I started noticing that my Braxton Hicks contractions were actually becoming a bit consistent. Throughout this pregnancy I have had many BH contractions, but none that were consistent. So this definitely caught my attention! They began at around 11:00pm, but I tried to go to sleep anyway. Around 12:30am I was wide awake thanks to the contractions. I got out of bed and decided to go downstairs and really time these bad boys. :) They were coming every 7 minutes, like clockwork, but I didn't want to call my doctor or wake Keith yet. I continued timing them until 3:00am, and they had gone from every 7 minutes to every 5 minutes. 

Now things were getting serious! 

I called my doctor and he instructed me to make my way to the hospital. I woke Keith up and told him that it was go-time! He showered, and I did my best to fix my hair and put some make-up on. As painful as the contractions were, I wanted to look nice. I was going to be meeting my daughter soon! I'd say that's reason enough to look nice. :) My in-laws arrived a little before 4:00am to stay with Gavin, and Keith and I were on our way.

At the hospital...while things were still semi-calm

When we arrived at the hospital I was sent straight to the Labor and Delivery floor. By this time it was a little after 4:00am (we live right by the hospital) and the contractions were getting much more intense. I was informed that I had dilated to 4cm and that was very exciting, as I was only 3cm at my last appointment a few days prior. After monitoring Bella's heart rate and the contractions for an hour, Keith and I took a walk around the L&D floor. This only lasted for about 20 minutes before I decided it was time to get back to our room. 

Walking the halls

At 6:30am, my amazing photographer, Tamara, arrived, and by 8:00am my doctor was there to check my progress. I was hoping for a few more centimeters, and boy did I luck out! I was 7cm!!! My water still had not broken, and I declined the offer from my doc for him to break it. Instead, I spent the next 20 minutes in a hot, whirlpool bathtub. This definitely felt amazing, but my contractions were coming quicker and were getting more and more painful. I decided to get out of the tub and get back into bed. I had a feeling that Arabella was going to be born soon, and I didn't want to be in the tub.

At 9:00am I made a comment to Keith and Tamara that Gavin was born at 9:16am and maybe Bella would arrive at the same time. Keith didn't think things would happen that quickly, and said "Well, maybe by 9:30?" 

And do you know what time my daughter arrived? 

9:08am!!!!

Only 8 minutes after that conversation, and an hour and 8 minutes after being 7cm, my daughter was born.

I was checked 5 minutes before her arrival and was told that I was 9.5cm. The nurse left the room to grab a delivery table, so it was just me, Keith, and Tamara. The next thing I knew, my water burst! I let out an atrocious yell, and Tamara ran to get help! It was just me and Keith in our room, and I told him that I needed to push. At this point we really thought he was going to have to deliver our baby! I asked him to look and let me know if he could see her, and sure enough she was there! And boy did she have a lot of dark hair! :D 

The nurses came running in, and a doctor I had never met before said "Hi, I'm doctor so-and-so" and then caught my daughter! Everything happened SO fast! The doctor didn't even have time to put gloves on! A few minutes later my doctor ran in the room and could not believe that he missed it. I told him that unless he was still on the L&D floor there's no way he could have run fast enough. Baby girl was ready to make her big debut, with or without my doc. :)

I got to hold Arabella immediately for a few minutes for skin to skin, Keith cut her umbilical cord, and then the clean-up process began. Due to the fact that Arabella came so quickly, I had a pretty significant second degree tear. But, I have never felt more amazing or more alive than I did after that delivery. (Well, other than after Gav's natural birth.) In fact, as I was getting taken care of, I was eating animal crackers and drinking water. Oh, the joys of a natural birth!

Tamara filmed a short clip of Arabella crying and we put it on Instagram with the hopes that my Me-Maw would see her. And you know what? She did. :') It was one of the last times that my Me-Maw was conscious. Arabella was born at 9:08am on June 28th, and my Me-Maw passed away at 6:21pm on June 29th. But she got to see my baby girl. And while my heart hurts deeply, I am thankful that she saw her 4th great-grandchild.

Keith left the hospital and went pick-up Gavin so that he could meet his baby sister. And I have to be honest...this did not go as I had planned. I had this Kodak moment in my mind, and it was just a mess. Gavin had been awake since 4am (when Keith and I left for the hospital) and was extremely fussy. He cried the whole time and wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. Needless to say, Keith didn't stay long and brought Gavin home for a nap.

They returned later that day and things went much better, but that initial meeting was a complete failure. My amazing photographer stayed with me to capture some pretty precious moments, but she also took great care of me. Tamara, you are exquisite and I don't know what we would have done without you! :)

Once she left, it was just me and Arabella in our recovery room. I became so overwhelmed by the events of the morning. I kept thanking God and praising Him. He orchestrated this amazing natural birth and I felt His presence through every contraction, every bit of pain. During each contraction, I would remember the scripture that I memorized the weeks prior. I knew what God's word said, and I kept meditating on those promises. I am 100% certain that without my faith, I would have never been able to achieve a second natural birth. It was ALL Him, because I am completely incapable of accomplishing something like that on my own, especially in a hospital environment.

I would like to say that there is a huge misconception about natural birth, especially a natural birth in a hospital. My natural birth was not filled with screaming or cussing or stress. It was not a hostile environment. In fact, the only time I yelled out was when my water broke. Instead, it was full of love and anticipation and beauty. I was completely blessed by the nurses and hospital staff who took care of me. They were simply amazing. I delivered at Trident Medical Center in North Charleston and cannot speak highly enough about my experience. I was a bit worried about delivering at this hospital because Trident has a somewhat bad reputation in Charleston. Why? I have no idea. I had an incredible experience and am very thankful for Trident. 

The video below was put together by my photographer and shows just how beautiful this experience was. The song used is Keith's ringtone, and once my photographer heard it she knew that was the perfect song to use. The video has been known to cause waterworks, so watch with caution. :)  

The Birth of Arabella from Tamara Hart on Vimeo.

I still cannot believe that I have a daughter. It's still hard for me to understand how I am worthy enough to have these two little, incredible blessings. I am a Mom. A mom to two precious souls, and I am thankful beyond words to have been chosen.

**These beautiful pictures were taken by the talented Bump Meet Baby Studio. I cannot recommend Tamara enough...she is simply divine, and I am in love with these photographs.**