A Fresh Start

Today I woke up with the wheels in my head turning at an alarming rate. It is January 1, 2017 and there is so much hope and expectation for a better year. In reality, today is just another day in the book of my life, and all of my problems and worries from 2016 won't just magically vanish because of this new calendar year. 

But...maybe they can. 

I don't have control of some of the things that have caused grief and pain, but I do have control over how I respond. Control of my words, thoughts, actions, responses, and prayers. On my own I am unable to respond in a way that would make anyone proud, but because of Jesus (and the work He's done on my heart in 2016), I truly believe that I can go forward being a better me. 

The keyword here is better. 

It doesn't mean that I'll be perfect, prim, and proper, but it does mean that I'll be mindful of my behavior and try my best to be as Christ-like as possible. 

It doesn't mean there won't be consequences, but it does mean that I'll be more forgiving of myself and others. 

It doesn't mean that 2017 will be flawless, but it does mean that I will see the flaws as an opportunity to respond gracefully.

And while I haven't made an actual resolution list, there are a few things that I sincerely hope to accomplish in this new year. However, instead of hoping and wishing it'll happen, I am claiming that these things will happen. Words are incredibly powerful (Proverbs 18:21) and I am choosing to speak life over my year, and these goals. 

My 2017 Goals 

1. More Godly contentment. This is something that would be life changing. As much as I want to only seek the Lord's approval, I do seek the approval of man. And by doing this, I am often disappointed (people will disappoint you), and crippled by this need. Thanks to the book Uninvited, I've gotten a little better at possessing this quality, but have a ways to go. This year, I will have more Godly contentment.

2. Growing in my faith. 2016 brought many trials and challenges, and while they were stressful (and sometimes painful) they made me grow. Keith and I started doing a Bible study together that has changed my entire perspective about a figure in the Bible that I used to strongly dislike. Now, I find myself hungry to know more about this man and his heart for God. This study has also brought Keith and I closer to one another, and improved our communication. Our study is almost complete, but it doesn't stop there. This year, I want to complete at least 3 more Bible studies with my husband.

3. Make a new war room. Over the summer I watched a powerful movie called War Room, and learned how most battles in life are being fought the wrong way. We need to go to war in prayer, not with people, so that we can fight to real enemy. I made my own war room in a closet the next day, but due to that room becoming occupied and my 2-second attention span, I stopped using it. In 2017, I will make a new prayer wall or journal and be intentional in my prayer time.

4. Stop cussing. This one is embarrassing, but it's the truth. I love Jesus but I cuss a little...As much as try, especially when I am angry or watching sports, horrible things fly out of my mouth. I try not to let this happen around my children, but that's not always the case. (Go ahead, judge away you judge-y people, you!) This year, I will control my tongue and live out James 3:9-11.

5. Improve my heart health. I have felt convicted lately when it comes to my health. While I did just have a baby and know it will take time to get back into shape, I was not healthy before this pregnancy. I've always wanted to be healthier from a vanity standpoint, but now I am convicted to be healthier so that I can lower my risk of heart disease. According the the American Heart Association,

Heart disease and stroke cause 1 in 3 deaths among women each year – more than all cancers combined. Fortunately, we can change that because 80 percent of cardiac and stroke events may be prevented with education and action.

I don't know about you, but that is frightening! There is good news though...you can help prevent heart disease by managing blood pressure and cholesterol, reducing blood sugar, getting active, eating better, and losing weight. This year, I will become the healthiest version of myself!

6. Love my husband better. I don't mean to brag, but my husband is the best person that I know, and the one that reminds me the most of Jesus. He is not without faults, but I admire the way he deals with adversity, his wisdom, and his self-control. Since meeting him, he has made me want to be a better person, and in turn I want to love him better. Not that I don't love him well now, but I know I can improve. This year, I will love my husband better through my prayers, words, and actions.

7. Be intentional with my children. As a work-from-home mom, it is a huge juggling act when it comes to giving my kids quality time and being distracted by my work. I'm pretty good at time management in general, but this has been a struggle. I am grateful that the Lord has blessed me with three amazing kids, and have found immense joy in teaching the older two preschool. In 2017, I will be intentional with my children so that their childhood is one they look back on and smile.

8. Write more. Writing makes me happy and helps declutter my thoughts, but I do not make enough time for it. Whether it is on this blog or in my journal, I will write more.

9. Read more. I love reading but don't do it nearly enough. I start a book and rarely finish, but this year I will start and finish 1 book per month.

10. Book a wedding in Italy. This one might throw you for a loop, but I work part-time as a wedding videographer. This is a business that my grandmother started in 1984, and something that I've been involved in since I was 12 years old. Since her passing in 2013, I've continued her legacy by naming my company in her honor. I never pictured myself doing this as my profession, but I enjoy it very much. The destination wedding industry is huge, and while I am booking up quickly for 2017 SC, NC, and GA weddings, I would be ecstatic to book a wedding in my adoptive homeland. (Don't worry, I haven't just tossed this thought out, fingers crossed, hoping it'll happen. I'm actually doing something to make it happen...stay tuned for my details later). In 2017, I will book a wedding in Italy.

I am going to print this post out and place it in my line of sight each day, so that on December 31, 2017 I can look back and see all I've done, instead of all that I forgot to do.

Do you have any goals/resolutions for 2017? I'd love to hear them!

2016

To say that 2016 has been rough would be a huge understatement. While it wasn't all bad, there were many challenging parts. While some relationships flourished, others completely fell apart. Doors were opened, doors were slammed shut. A rough pregnancy and labor produced a beautiful baby boy. Our faith has been tested, but we are still standing. And our marriage is stronger than ever. As this year comes to a close, I am gladly turning the page to the new chapter that is 2017. There is something about a fresh start -- a blank page -- that fills me with hope. Instead of worrying about the future and trying to figure everything out, I've decided that I will just speak life over 2017!

Keith and I have been doing Beth Moore's bible study on King David and it has absolutely changed my life. Truly. But that is a post for another day. However, through this study we read Psalm 20, and it has resuscitated my soul and is what I claim for this new year.

Psalm 20

1 May the Lord answer you when you are in distress;

may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.

2 May he send you help from the sanctuary

and grant you support from Zion.

3 May he remember all your sacrifices

and accept your burnt offerings.[b]

4 May he give you the desire of your heart

and make all your plans succeed.

5 May we shout for joy over your victory

and lift up our banners in the name of our God.

May the Lord grant all your requests.

6 Now this I know:

The Lord gives victory to his anointed.

He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary

with the victorious power of his right hand.

7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,

but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

8 They are brought to their knees and fall,

but we rise up and stand firm.

9 Lord, give victory to the king!

Answer us when we call!

What incredibly powerful words! I speak this Psalm over my life and over 2017, as I believe this will not only be a MUCH better year than 2016, but it will be our best year yet!

In addition to choosing this Psalm, I have also been listening to one song in particular and it's become an anthem of sorts. It's called "Shake It Out" by Florence and the Machine and has provided me with lyrics to shout in the shower, tunes to dance to in the kitchen, and words to speak when I am frustrated, confused, or discouraged. 

Did you listen to it? It's good, yeah? (That's the Cajun in me adding yeah at the end :D)

My favorite parts: It's always darkest before the dawn and It's hard to dance with a devil on your back so shake him off. 

After the year my family has had, we are ready to shake the devil off, claim the promises that God's Word says, and have a wonderful year! 

2016 has been a mostly dark year, but the sun is rising, and 2017 is looking bright.

Are you picking Scripture or music to speak over 2017? If so, let me know!

Ethan's Birth Story

I haven't written in quite some time, and managed to skip those last 10 weeks of updating the pregnancy on the blog.

Oops.

Let's just leave those weeks to themselves, as they were filled with lots of excruciating back pain, heart burn, Braxton hicks contractions, and me impatiently waiting to go into labor. I truly thought that this sweet baby would be at least a week early and be born in October. I worried so much (for nothing) that I wouldn't be able to go trick-or-treating with Gavin and Arabella, when in reality I was almost a week late.

So, let's start from my 40 week check-up (Wednesday 11/2), where I was told that I had not progressed at all from the 39 week appointment and was only 1 cm dilated. While I usually don't put a lot of stock in dilation (Gav was a week early and I was only 1.25 cm dilated at that point), I was feeling really defeated. How could we be 40 weeks pregnant and not being dilated more than 1 cm??? This appointment was on a Wednesday and I made it through the weekend and had another check-up on Monday, November 7.

During Monday's appointment (11/7), we learned that I was only 2 cm dilated and that my blood pressure was elevated. Normally my blood pressure is normal or low, so for me a 123/88 reading was concerning. We decided to schedule an induction for Wednesday, November 9th. I left the appointment feeling both relieved that I wouldn't be pregnant for much longer, but also nervous because I did not want to be induced. For Gavin and Arabella, I was able to labor without any medication and had both babies naturally without an epidural. I was hoping to do the same for Ethan, but obviously his safety was the most important thing.

I got home from the appointment and surprisingly began having contractions every 8 minutes. They never got closer, and I went to sleep for the night knowing that if I was actually able to rest, then this was not active labor.

I woke up the next day...still pregnant and still having contractions. This day just happened to be Election Day (11/8). Gavin was born on Leap Day and it would be pretty fitting that Ethan would arrive on another unique holiday...but thankfully he didn't. Due to E being almost a week past his due date most of our Charleston family members were going to be out of town or unavailable to watch Gav and Bella when I went into labor, but luckily my littlest sister, Lacey, flew in from Florida and arrived on Tuesday (11/8) at 6PM.

Thank God that she did, because two hours later I started having contractions that were every 3-6 minutes. After about an hour of this, I called my doctor, grabbed my stuff, and Keith and I headed to the hospital!

Last bump picture that Lacey snapped!

We arrived at the hospital around 9:30PM, and I was told that I was 3cm dilated. This was definitely an improvement, but the contractions were horrible and I knew we had a while to go before the pain was over.

KC and I before things got crazy

Two hours later, it was hell on earth. This labor seemed to be 10 times more painful than it was for Gavin and Arabella, and I was desperate for relief. While I didn't get an epidural, I did request pain medication in an IV. I was given a dose of Dilaudid for the pain and a dose of Phenergan to prevent nausea. Let me be very clear -- The drugs were POINTLESS. They did NOTHING to "take the edge off" of the pain and literally made me SLEEP during labor! I would pass out for a few minutes and then wake up to feel the most intense pain I've ever felt. However, I'm somewhat glad that I took the IV drugs, because Keith was able to have some amazing God conversations with our sweet nurse and photographer. :)

Since I was super drugged up and passed out I don't know the exact details of how fast I progressed, but let me tell you...the whole shebang only lasted 5 hours! From arriving at the hospital to delivering our boy, it was a hard five hour journey.

My doctor arrived at some point, and at 8cm he offered to break my water. (My water broke naturally for Arabella at 9.5cm and literally pushed her almost all the way out, while my water was accidentally broken during a check for Gavin, and I spent the next hour and 16 minutes in excruciating pain. It was an easy decision for me -- let my water break on it's own.) Well, this didn't sit well with my doctor, because he ripped his gloves off and said, "Are you serious? Well, fine! If you want to be in more pain, go ahead." And he walked away. Now, had I not been drugged up I would have likely kicked him out of the room, since who in their ever loving mind speaks to a patient like this at all, nonetheless DURING active labor?

Anyway, he walked out and I progressed from 8cm to 10cm, and my water was still intact. Once I began pushing, my water broke, and my doctor made his way back...only to walk away again while I was pushing to watch the Election results on TV. (Yes, we had the TV on...we didn't want to miss the news since we were awake anyway!) So as my nurse and husband are holding my legs and coaching me, my doctor is watching TV.

After a few pushes, the ring of fire, and the most horrific pain of my life, out came our beautiful baby boy! At 2:30AM, right when Trump was being announced as our president, we welcomed our third child into the world. Weighing 7lbs. 15oz and was 18" long. His head circumference was 14" and the nurses informed me that was a little on the big side...which also explains the pain this time around.

Proud Daddy

Cutting the cord

Keith told me that after each time I give birth, I let out a certain cry. It's a cry that is both joyful and sad -- one that reflects the pain of labor with the exhilaration of birth.

Since Ethan was born in the middle of the night, we stayed in the laboring room for a few hours and then around 6AM made our way to our recovery room. Keith and the older kids met us around 1PM that day, and it was the sweetest little meeting. Arabella was absolutely infatuated with Ethan, while Gavin was impressed but also wanted us to go home with them. :)

While it was a bit lonely and isolating being in the hospital with just me and Ethan, it was also refreshing. I loved spending time with my new son and learning this new person's needs. I did experience very intense stomach cramps that were caused by nursing (the suckling makes the uterus contract, which is ultimately a good thing because it helps it get back to it's normal size a quicker, but man did it hurt), and that was a bit difficult. I also tore (only 1st degree, surprisingly), and that made things uncomfortable to say the least.

One thing I absolutely have to say is that through all of the struggles, stress, and turmoil that Keith and I have experienced during this pregnancy (it's been a tough season), our God is good. He is so good, even when things are not. A huge worry of mine was having Ethan circumcised (even though Gavin is and it's a pretty normal thing, I've just read too many articles recently and was worried about the pain our little baby would feel), and when the pediatrician came in to check on him, he told me that Ethan has barely any foreskin and that he is naturally circumcised. That even if we wanted to get the procedure done, he would have referred us to a urologist when E was 6-9 months old! GUYS. I didn't even think this was an option or even happened, but it did! So all that worrying I did was for absolutely nothing. God took care of it in the most unexpected way, and we are so thankful!

(I contemplated putting this part in, but it's part of the story so...)

Unfortunately, my doctor continued to be difficult after delivery (he wanted to give me one particular pain medication and I only wanted something mild like Motrin) and I had to fight with him (through the nurses) to get it. He refused multiple times to give me Motrin and I had to threaten to speak to hospital management before he caved and let me have it. He never came by to explain to me the reason for his choice, and I am at a total loss as to why he treated me this way. It was very out of character for him, as he is usually kind and gentle. Maybe his candidate lost, maybe he was having a rough day...I really don't care either way. His unprofessional and borderline unethical behavior negatively impacted my experience and I will no longer be seeing him for any of my OB needs.

(Okay, back to the good stuff...)

While my doc was a total imbecile, the nurses that took care of Ethan and me were incredible! Charlotte, Helen, Deb, Jennifer, Nicole....thank you, thank you for all of your kindness and professionalism! And again, my experience (minus my doctor) at Trident Medical Center was wonderful. Keith actually joined me for a Celebratory Dinner that the hospital provided, which included a delicious steak dinner, cake, sparkling grape juice, and wine glasses. It was lovely! (I know this birth story is a bit negative, but if you want to read about the wonderful experiences I had with Gavin and Arabella, click their names.)

I am beyond thankful to have carried these babies in my womb and to have experienced natural childbirth 3 times (I'm counting Ethan's as natural due to the fact that I didn't have an epidural and felt everything regardless of the pain medication), and to have been pregnant four times (sweet Hayden, you are not forgotten). However, after my experience with Ethan I am pretty sure that we've reached our maximum for biological children. (But let's not rule out adoption and fostering ;))

Dear Arabella

Oh, my sweet girl. Where do I even begin? 

Three years ago at 9:08AM, we officially met, and since the first moment I laid eyes on you my life has never been the same. Your sweet face and wild hair immediately melted my heart, and while you met many people, we mostly spent your first day on Earth just you and me. 

Over the years your personality has really developed, and you are a feisty, silly, and brave little thing. You love to play with your big brother (who you affectionately call Gav Gav) and you absolutely adore your Daddy. You give the most squishy hugs and kisses, and you can brighten anyone's day with that sweet smile of yours. I never dreamed that I'd have a daughter, and especially not one as special as you. You bring such immense joy to all of our lives, and we are abundantly blessed to have you in our family. 

Your brother completely changed my life by making me a mom, and the bond that we share is so special. However, having a daughter is a whole different ballgame. I  know that you won't understand this for quite a while, but in many ways you've saved me.

You were born the day before the world lost one of the sweetest women ever, my Me-Maw. Your birth allowed her death to hurt, but not shatter me. I hate that you never got to meet her...you would have adored Me-Maw. But she did get to see a video of you right before she passed away, and for that I am forever thankful. 

You make me want to be better woman, so that you have a great role model to look up to. 

You push me to follow my dreams and to never quit. 

You make me genuinely happy. 

You make me laugh each and every day. 

You inspire me to always work on my relationship with the Lord.

Today, you turn three and you're already embracing that "threenager" status. :) You have sass, you have spunk, and you are learning how to be more independent. While this can be frustrating for mommy and daddy, I hope that you always keep a little of these characteristics with you as you grow up.

Love this precious little face!

You are very dramatic and often act out your favorite TV shows, and it wouldn't surprise me one bit if you become an actress one day. You love to run outside with Gavin, and you also love twirling and dancing. You love when daddy throws you in the air (and often say "Do again, do again!" over and over until he does) and you love when I hold you. You absolutely hate brushing your teeth and fixing your hair, and I have to wrestle you to do both. :) 

As food goes, you aren't too picky, and some of your favorites are beans (of any kind), cheese, hot dogs (no bun), cucumbers, fruit snacks, and pasta. You dislike strawberries and would rather drink water over juice. Your favorite thing to do at the playground is to swing, and you could literally swing all. day. long. You love going to the beach and prefer to stay in the water (as long as someone is holding you) rather than play in the sand.

You travel pretty well and thus far your furthest road trip was last summer when we went to Louisiana (13 hours). Your favorite TV shows include Peppa Pig, VeggieTales (especially Larry Boy), Sofia the First, Little Einsteins, and a new favorite is Daniel Tiger. You are incredibly friendly, which freaks me out sometimes, but thankfully you're obsessed with the Safe Side Super-Chick DVD and she's teaching you in very silly ways how to be careful. 

Today, we celebrate your third year of life by exploring a little of Charleston, and on Saturday we will celebrate with your friends and family. I love you with all of my heart Arabella Therese Christmas, and I thank God daily for picking me to be your mommy.

Father's Day: Healing & Hopeful

Up until my husband became a father, I was never a fan of Father's Day. My earthly father has not been the kind of man that one should ever celebrate or devote an entire day to, and Father's Day was always a hard day filled with flashbacks from my childhood, anger, and sadness. 

But something incredible happened. 

I watched the man that I married become a father to our son, and then our daughter, and I started to heal. Seeing the way a father should act has been one of the most beautiful things I've witnessed in my adulthood. Now, the man I chose to marry is the complete opposite of my father. For starters, he's not an abusive alcohol so I call that a big win from the get-go, but it's more than that. My husband is gentle and patient, he is kind and silly, and the best part of all he that is a Christ follower who teaches our children about God. Seeing him interact with our children has slowly but surely put all of those broken pieces back together. 

Right about now I'm sure I sound like a Kelly Clarkson song, and if that's what you're thinking then you'd be right. Sweet Kelly and I apparently have a lot in common when it comes to our father's, and her most recent song Piece by Piece is one that is very dear to me. While my father didn't abandon me like Kelly's did, he created a hostile and abusive environment for my sisters and I to grow up in. He emotionally, verbally, and physically abused my mother, and when I got old enough he tried to do the same to me.

Except I left home at 17 to live with my grandmother and I never looked back. Because while I saw what was happening all those years, I swore that I would never let a man treat me like that, and to this day one never has. (Well, they've tried...but this Cajun mouth hasn't kept quiet, and those men have no part in my life.)

To this day there is still turmoil with my father. He is erratic and even more of a drunk than he used to be. I've tried to help...tried to allow him to be a grandfather to my children, but the first time he yelled at me in front my children was the last time he ever saw them. As a Christian, I do believe that one should honor their mother and their father (Exodus 20:12), but I also believe that you should distance yourself from things causing you to sin and things that are toxic. (Mark 9:47)

So that's what I've done. 

Last month on the day I finished graduate school and earned a Masters degree, I received three incredibly rude and threatening messages from my father. He'd just figured out that I removed him from my Facebook and he could no longer see pictures of my children, and he was furious. He told me I was crazy...that I was messed up in the head. That I was a child and a coward and threatened that something would happen if he was not allowed to see his grandchildren. (FYI - all curse words have been removed)

On that day, in my heart, it. was. done. I was done. The power that he once had over me was gone because I was no longer a little girl, but a mother with an instinct to protect her children, and I was livid. The strange thing is that I no longer feel anger towards him, only sorrow for all that he has lost. I have forgiven him in my heart for all of his wrongdoings, but will not allow him to cause anymore harm.

On this day, Father's Day, I am disappointed that I do not get to celebrate that relationship in my own life, but I am abundantly excited to shower my husband with love. I know that in this world marriages fail just as often as they succeed, but I truly have faith that our marriage will be one that lasts. However, if something goes wrong and I do nothing else right, I can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that my children have been blessed with the most amazing father. 

It's taken a really long time to understand this because in my mind the word father is not synonymous with good things, but I do have another father. This Father adores me and is proud of me. He will never hurt me or leave me. He is perfect and caring and a King, and technically that makes me a princess. I know that I can do all things through His strength, and that He is always there for me. 

And that's a beautiful thing. 

***If you're reading this and can relate to the relationship that I have with my earthly father, I urge you to come to terms with the facts, get angry about it and then let that anger go. Forgive him. If you can repair that relationship, try. If you've tried there's still suffering, walk away. Pray for him. He will always be your father, but he doesn't have the right to hold that fact over your head or to take credit for your accomplishments. Run to your heavenly Father. Dive into His Word. It's going to be okay. Maybe not right away, but eventually, you're going to be okay.***

30th Birthday Recap

The day I turned 30 was truly one of the best days of my life. It was the kind of day that you want to revisit over and over and not change a single detail. It was spent at one of my favorite places with my favorite people, and was practically perfect.

We awoke bright and early and left our cabin in Lake Lure at 8:00am and headed to Asheville, which was about an hour away. The winding mountain roads mixed with the morning light made for lovely ride. I spoke with sweet friends and family, and we arrived at the Biltmore around 9:00am. After stopping at the Will Call desk to take our season pass holder pictures and pick up our equestrian tickets, we headed to Antler Hill Village to drop off my dad and the kids. Then, Keith and I headed to Deer Park Barn where we had reservations for an hour-long trail ride!

 This was my first time riding a horse and I was a little worried about how this ride would go, but I’m happy to report that we had a fantastic time! Our trail ride leader, Caitlyn, was so friendly and knowledgable, and we really enjoyed riding through the forest and learning about the Biltmore. My horse’s name was Leo and he was a sweet, fast-walking, while Keith rode Diesel, who was a slow and gentle guy.

After our ride, we grabbed my Dad and the kids and headed to the Estate! For only $20 you can valet park your car, and that it what we do every time we visit. (The convenience outweighs the price by far!) We made our way to the Stable Cafe, which is a restaurant located in, you guessed it, an old horse stable. While it might not sound appealing, it is in fact a lovely restaurant with excellent food! I recommend the estate-grown burger and potato soup.

After lunch we walked the grounds in front of the house and enjoyed the view of the beautiful architecture and mountains in the distance.

Next, we stopped to take in the gorgeous mountain view that frames the Estate, then headed inside for an audio tour. 

After our day of exploring, we headed back to our cabin in Lake Lure and relaxed, ate some cake, and thanked God for our blessings!

Good-Bye 20's!

Today is the last day of my 20s. Tomorrow I will begin a new chapter, and I am so thrilled.

Turning 30 is something that I’ve dreaded for as long as I can remember, but now that the time has come I am very content. My twenties were all about firsts and major life moments.

I became a South Carolinian.

I got married.

I became a mom.

I graduated college.

I became a mom again.

I found many passions and dreams.

I went to Disney World and NYC for the first time.

I lost a child.

I learned, grew, cried, fought, laughed, planned, travelled, loved, and dreamed.

My twenties were incredibly fulfilling and I am closing this chapter with a full heart and hopeful mind. While I thought I’d know more by now…more about myself, who I am and who I want to be…I believe that is what my 30s will be for.

These past 29 years and 364 days have been an incredible blessing, and I am thankful for the time I’ve been given. It hasn’t all been peachy, but God has been too good to me.

I leave my 20s with one grey hair, a few eye wrinkles, a precious family, and lots of hope. I’m having a not-so-dirty-30 celebration in Lake Lure/Asheville over the next few days, and I feel like the luckiest girl lady in the world. 

2015

This past month has been a so strange, and for the most part I’ve felt a bit lost and confused.

I think this is what they call grieving.

Experiencing the euphorhia that comes with discovering a pregnancy, followed by the heartbreak of losing that child a few weeks later is draining to say the least. I’ve withdrawn from life and have been avoiding people and places, but with a new year on the horizon I have a new sense of hope and wonder.

Bad things happened, but 2015 was not a bad year. I watched my health improve and then decline. I started a business. I restarted my blog. I fell in love with Star Wars. I decided that Florida is a lovely place to be, especially Tampa. And so is Asheville. I made new friendships and tried to mend broken relationships. We traveled. I changed my hair color.  I made mistakes. I went back to the bayou. I spent my days with my precious children. I drove my husband crazy. I trusted in Him.

And I learned a lot.

I learned that it’s possible to make A’s in grad school if I stay disciplined and focused.

I learned that there truly is magic at Magic Kingdom.

I learned that it’s okay to write and draw and paint in my Bible.

I learned that potty training is the devil ridiculously frustrating.

I learned that forever friends do exist, even if you only see them once every few years.

I learned that it’s okay to press pause on one dream while pursuing another.

I learned that I can’t do everything.

I learned that what doesn’t kill you does make you stronger.

I learned that God will never leave me.

I learned that letting go doesn’t mean forgetting, but allows for healing.

While this is only a snapshot of my 2015, a lot can happen in one year. It is exciting to think that 2016 will be here tomorrow and a new chapter begins.

My wish for 2016 is to…

*Grow in my walk with God, truly falling more in love with my Jesus

*Be a better wife to my husband and mother to my children

*Make my health a priority

*Start volunteering again

*Take nothing for granted

I am thankful for all 2015 has been, but I believe that the best is yet to come (and babe, won’t it be fine?).

Arabella's Birth Story

On the night of my due date (June 27th), I was getting ready for bed when I started noticing that my Braxton Hicks contractions were actually becoming a bit consistent. Throughout this pregnancy I have had many BH contractions, but none that were consistent. So this definitely caught my attention! They began at around 11:00pm, but I tried to go to sleep anyway. Around 12:30am I was wide awake thanks to the contractions. I got out of bed and decided to go downstairs and really time these bad boys. :) They were coming every 7 minutes, like clockwork, but I didn't want to call my doctor or wake Keith yet. I continued timing them until 3:00am, and they had gone from every 7 minutes to every 5 minutes. 

Now things were getting serious! 

I called my doctor and he instructed me to make my way to the hospital. I woke Keith up and told him that it was go-time! He showered, and I did my best to fix my hair and put some make-up on. As painful as the contractions were, I wanted to look nice. I was going to be meeting my daughter soon! I'd say that's reason enough to look nice. :) My in-laws arrived a little before 4:00am to stay with Gavin, and Keith and I were on our way.

At the hospital...while things were still semi-calm

When we arrived at the hospital I was sent straight to the Labor and Delivery floor. By this time it was a little after 4:00am (we live right by the hospital) and the contractions were getting much more intense. I was informed that I had dilated to 4cm and that was very exciting, as I was only 3cm at my last appointment a few days prior. After monitoring Bella's heart rate and the contractions for an hour, Keith and I took a walk around the L&D floor. This only lasted for about 20 minutes before I decided it was time to get back to our room. 

Walking the halls

At 6:30am, my amazing photographer, Tamara, arrived, and by 8:00am my doctor was there to check my progress. I was hoping for a few more centimeters, and boy did I luck out! I was 7cm!!! My water still had not broken, and I declined the offer from my doc for him to break it. Instead, I spent the next 20 minutes in a hot, whirlpool bathtub. This definitely felt amazing, but my contractions were coming quicker and were getting more and more painful. I decided to get out of the tub and get back into bed. I had a feeling that Arabella was going to be born soon, and I didn't want to be in the tub.

At 9:00am I made a comment to Keith and Tamara that Gavin was born at 9:16am and maybe Bella would arrive at the same time. Keith didn't think things would happen that quickly, and said "Well, maybe by 9:30?" 

And do you know what time my daughter arrived? 

9:08am!!!!

Only 8 minutes after that conversation, and an hour and 8 minutes after being 7cm, my daughter was born.

I was checked 5 minutes before her arrival and was told that I was 9.5cm. The nurse left the room to grab a delivery table, so it was just me, Keith, and Tamara. The next thing I knew, my water burst! I let out an atrocious yell, and Tamara ran to get help! It was just me and Keith in our room, and I told him that I needed to push. At this point we really thought he was going to have to deliver our baby! I asked him to look and let me know if he could see her, and sure enough she was there! And boy did she have a lot of dark hair! :D 

The nurses came running in, and a doctor I had never met before said "Hi, I'm doctor so-and-so" and then caught my daughter! Everything happened SO fast! The doctor didn't even have time to put gloves on! A few minutes later my doctor ran in the room and could not believe that he missed it. I told him that unless he was still on the L&D floor there's no way he could have run fast enough. Baby girl was ready to make her big debut, with or without my doc. :)

I got to hold Arabella immediately for a few minutes for skin to skin, Keith cut her umbilical cord, and then the clean-up process began. Due to the fact that Arabella came so quickly, I had a pretty significant second degree tear. But, I have never felt more amazing or more alive than I did after that delivery. (Well, other than after Gav's natural birth.) In fact, as I was getting taken care of, I was eating animal crackers and drinking water. Oh, the joys of a natural birth!

Tamara filmed a short clip of Arabella crying and we put it on Instagram with the hopes that my Me-Maw would see her. And you know what? She did. :') It was one of the last times that my Me-Maw was conscious. Arabella was born at 9:08am on June 28th, and my Me-Maw passed away at 6:21pm on June 29th. But she got to see my baby girl. And while my heart hurts deeply, I am thankful that she saw her 4th great-grandchild.

Keith left the hospital and went pick-up Gavin so that he could meet his baby sister. And I have to be honest...this did not go as I had planned. I had this Kodak moment in my mind, and it was just a mess. Gavin had been awake since 4am (when Keith and I left for the hospital) and was extremely fussy. He cried the whole time and wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. Needless to say, Keith didn't stay long and brought Gavin home for a nap.

They returned later that day and things went much better, but that initial meeting was a complete failure. My amazing photographer stayed with me to capture some pretty precious moments, but she also took great care of me. Tamara, you are exquisite and I don't know what we would have done without you! :)

Once she left, it was just me and Arabella in our recovery room. I became so overwhelmed by the events of the morning. I kept thanking God and praising Him. He orchestrated this amazing natural birth and I felt His presence through every contraction, every bit of pain. During each contraction, I would remember the scripture that I memorized the weeks prior. I knew what God's word said, and I kept meditating on those promises. I am 100% certain that without my faith, I would have never been able to achieve a second natural birth. It was ALL Him, because I am completely incapable of accomplishing something like that on my own, especially in a hospital environment.

I would like to say that there is a huge misconception about natural birth, especially a natural birth in a hospital. My natural birth was not filled with screaming or cussing or stress. It was not a hostile environment. In fact, the only time I yelled out was when my water broke. Instead, it was full of love and anticipation and beauty. I was completely blessed by the nurses and hospital staff who took care of me. They were simply amazing. I delivered at Trident Medical Center in North Charleston and cannot speak highly enough about my experience. I was a bit worried about delivering at this hospital because Trident has a somewhat bad reputation in Charleston. Why? I have no idea. I had an incredible experience and am very thankful for Trident. 

The video below was put together by my photographer and shows just how beautiful this experience was. The song used is Keith's ringtone, and once my photographer heard it she knew that was the perfect song to use. The video has been known to cause waterworks, so watch with caution. :)  

The Birth of Arabella from Tamara Hart on Vimeo.

I still cannot believe that I have a daughter. It's still hard for me to understand how I am worthy enough to have these two little, incredible blessings. I am a Mom. A mom to two precious souls, and I am thankful beyond words to have been chosen.

**These beautiful pictures were taken by the talented Bump Meet Baby Studio. I cannot recommend Tamara enough...she is simply divine, and I am in love with these photographs.**

Happy Due Date Day!

Well, today is Arabella's due date...and I am still pregnant. :) I have to say, I did not think that she would still be in my womb on this day, but that's fine by me. I keep reminding myself that a due date is only an estimate of her arrival, and if she's not ready yet, then I certainly do not mind housing her. :) 

 Taken yesterday - 39 weeks, 6 days

I will admit that I am not proud of my lack of patience. I've been quite annoying lately with my constant whining. Any woman nearing her due date can probably relate, and I'm sure it's totally normal to be in this impatient state of mind. But it makes me feel completely insane sometimes. I should probably explain a little more of my situation though. 

About a month ago, my grandmother (Me-Maw) had her gull bladder removed due to some pain she was experiencing. After the surgery, we discovered that she actually has cancer of the liver and has been on a steady decline in health since. The doctors have told us that they think she only has a few days left to live, and it is completely breaking my heart. This all happened so quickly!

 Me-Maw and me on my wedding day

She is only 71 years old and has always been in great health. My Me-Maw is such a wonderful woman and I hate that she is going through this. More than anything, I'm praying that Arabella arrives before Me-Maw passes away. It would mean the world to me for her to see my daughter. And it's just backwards. Me-Maw is supposed to be here for this. Right?!? I did speak to her recently on FaceTime and she told me congratulations and that Bella looks just like me...I'm not sure if she's seen her or if she's just confused, but hearing her say that made my heart happy. 

So, while I don't have any control over the timing of arrivals and departures, I am trusting that the Lord knows exactly what He's doing. Because He does.

Another thing that is adding to the anticipation of Arabella's arrival is the fact that I'm going to attempt to have another natural birth. I was successful with delivering Gavin naturally and everything went as well as it possibly could have. And that makes me nervous. How will Bella's labor/delivery go? Will it be harder? Is it possible for it to be easier? Physically, I think the odds are in my favor. I know what I'm getting myself into this time and am in much better shape for this pregnancy. Mentally, I am my biggest obstacle. So, in trying to prepare I've been soaking in the following verses with the hopes that I will remember them during labor.

Cast all of your anxiety on Him, because he cares for you. 

1 Peter 5:7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

God is our refuge and strength; an ever-present help in times of trouble.

Psalm 46:1

It is only a matter of time before my daughter arrives and my whole world changes again. Life is stressful, but I'm trying my best to just breathe and trust in Him. Until her arrival, I'm going to try and relax and just enjoy these crazy last few days of pregnancy. 

Gavin's 1st Birthday and Party!

On Friday, March 1st, my baby boy turned 1! To celebrate this wonderful day, Keith, Gavin, my sis Lauren, nephew Joe, and I headed to the Charleston Aquarium. Gavin loved all of the fish and had a really good time smushing his face against all of the tanks. :)

Then on Saturday (3/2), we had our family and friends over for Gavin's birthday party! I started planning his party right after Christmas, so come March everything was done! We had a great time celebrating with everyone and I know that Gav enjoyed himself.

Adult and Kiddo Favors

Yummy Food

The Cake

Sign-In Table and Front Porch

Food Table with 12 Month Banner

Once all of our guests arrived, everyone ate and socialized.

Then we opened presents!

(I love this last picture! :))

And finally, we sang happy birthday and ate cake! 

The party was a major success, and I am extremely thankful for this amazing first year with my first born. He is an incredible little guy and I'm so happy that God blessed us with him! :)