Frustrated

What is it about the number on a scale that can make you feel so awesome or so disgusting? 

For a solid month, Keith and I were on the Weight Watchers Points Plus program. We were doing great, and both had way more energy and just generally felt better. Well, that was until I decided to weigh myself. By doing this I discovered that I had not lost anything! Zilch, zero, nada. Talk about discouraging, and I didn't understand. What was I doing wrong? Through WW, you can lose approximately 1-2 pounds per week and the only thing I can think of is that I am still partially nursing Gavin, and because of this I'm allowed an additional 7 points per day. I guess I'm not burning enough calories nursing, but because of it my appetite has vastly increased. 

So, what's a girl to do? I wish I knew the answer. I know it's not rocket science -- eat less, exercise more. But sometimes it's just not that simple. All that I do know is that I threw in the towel with Weight Watchers. :/ To me, I can weigh the same by eating whatever I want, or I can meticulously count my points and still maintain my current weight. I pick the first one. Now, once I stop breastfeeding I'll have more options. I'll likely give WW another try, but I could also choose to take diet pills or drink those magic shakes. However, I think taking these things would harm more than help. To lose weight is one thing, but to keep it off is another thing entirely. I want to do this the healthy way, I just have to find my niche is this area.

Confession: I know that it's only been a few months (3.5 exactly) since I've had Gavin, but I feel like I should already be back down to my pre-pregnancy weight. Between the celebrity moms who take 5 minutes to get back into shape and the pressure that society places on women, I feel like I've failed. Until today I felt pretty bad about that, but then I realized that none of it matters. Would I love to lose this weight and tone up? Sure. BUT, it doesn't matter how I look on the outside if my insides are a mess. And honestly, right now my insides are on cloud nine. I am loving life. I don't think that I've ever been happier. I would take this, over looking like a model and being negative and lost any day!

Keith and I have been watching sermons online from our old church in Atlanta, and we're currently watching a series called "The Comparison Trap" by Andy Stanley. This message discusses how it's human nature to compare yourself to others. You always want to be -er. Pretty-er, rich-er, skinny-er, happy-er, etc. But what happens when you become those things? You want to be -est. The pretty-est, rich-est, skinny-est, happy-est, etc. Today we listened to the second part of this message, and it really hit home. Pastor Andy told us that in God's eyes, we are compared to nobody. He does not look at us and wish that we'd be skinnier, prettier, taller, etc. He looks at us and sees perfect children. Is there room for improvement? Always. But if my Father thinks those things of me, then I really have nothing to worry about. :)

I won't be settling for where I'm at now physically, but I've realized that I'm not going to change overnight. It's going to take some time for me to find a routine that works for me. And that's okay. I guess the purpose of this post is to document my feelings at this point in time, and also to encourage any other new moms out there or anyone struggling with this issue. You are not alone. We all just need to find what works for us, stick to it, and be patient. It'll all work out. :)