it's only life...

Lately life has been tough. Little issues like school, the wedding, people, work, etc. have turned into huge problems. Minor things drive me up a wall, I am super emotional, and I am losing my hair. Literally. I believe that each issue in itself was enough to slightly bother me, but not enough to ruin minutes, hours, days...

It took a very concerned friend and my fiancé to show me exactly how I had been acting. Once I realized that I was not being me, but an awful version of myself I completely broke down. I sat at my apartment crying so hard and I just kept asking "Why?" Why had I been so ugly? Why do insignificant things ruin my day? Why can't I let things go? While I was having my emotional breakdown Keith comforted me the best way he knew how. He held my hand, rubbed my back, and held me close. This was nice, but it was what he said to me that comforted me the most. He told me that sometimes God will purposely break us and that it is always for a reason. He told me that when our attention is elsewhere and our relationship with Him is suffering, sometimes God does things to bring us back. Once I heard those words I cried even harder. Once I heard those words I realized how much I had been neglecting my Lord. It all made sense. I began asking for forgiveness and praying for my focus to return to Him.

It's been about a week since this realization occurred and I am so grateful. I am so blessed to have people in my life that care more about my well being than about how I am going to respond to them. I am so thankful that I serve a God who refuses to give up on me. I know that everything happens for a reason and sometimes it takes being broken to fully heal and become you again.

Hanging in my office on the wall in front of my desk is a plaque that is constantly reminding me that everything will be okay. On the bottom is Psalm 136:1. "With God's hand beneath us we need not fear what lies before us." Ain't that the truth.

"When the tides of life turn against you and the current upsets your boat, don't waste those tears on what might have been, just lie on your back and float."