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From Loathed to Loved

When I think of people in the Bible, certain figures come to mind. Jesus, Mary, Esther, Gideon, Paul, Peter, Noah, Moses...and the list goes on and on. Each person is real and raw, and their stories are ones that inspire and provoke many feelings. Other than Jesus, these people were completely flawed, and I can relate to many of them.

But there is one person that I disliked loathed, and his name is David.

David the shepherd boy that defeated Goliath? LOVE that guy.

David the King that slept with a married woman, impregnated her, and had her husband killed to cover it up? Not so much.

But here's the kicker -- King David is known as the man after God's own heart. He is emphatically anointed and a son of God, however his heart and his actions seem to differ greatly.

Keith and I just finished a 10 week Beth Moore study on King David, and the man that I used to despise is now someone that I am deeply fond of. It sounds completely insane, but after learning about David's life and diving into scripture, I actually see a lot of myself in King David.

This doesn't mean that I can relate to his actions with Bathsheba or Tamar, but that I, too, am a flawed, sinful person and am only redeemed by God's grace.

What struck me the most during this study was how much that I did not really know about David. I knew the big stuff (defeating Goliath, becoming King) and the bad stuff (Bathsheba and Tamar), but I didn't know the beginning. I didn't know that before there was King David, there was King Saul. A king that was chosen by the people, that had disobeyed God and had His presence depart from him, and then chased David for 15 years.

David literally ran for his life for 15 years, hiding in caves and moving from city to city. He even had a chance to kill Saul, but refused to touch God's anointed. I don't know about you guys, but when I'm in a hard season I am inclined to pray and to cry out for help, but it can be quite difficult to sing out in praise and to remain hopeful. If anyone was entitled to totally freak out and have a mental, physical, and emotional breakdown, it would be David. But he didn't. He put his trust in God and remained solid in his faith.

But that was David. In the midst of being chased from his home, not for anything he had done, but for being who he was, which was the next King of Israel, he had a faith stronger than anything I've read about.

And then there's his relationship with Jonathan. Jonathan was the son of the crazed King Saul, but yet he and David shared a bond like no other. This relationship is the ultimate bromance, and ends in a heartbreaking manner, but it showed me the kind of qualities that David possessed in order to create this bond.

More than just the change in the way I think about King David, this bible study changed my life.

By choosing a study written for women and doing the study with my husband, we were able to dissect the Word of God in a way that was sensitive to how I was thinking (like when I was freaking out after David married someone else soon after he had married Abigail...what the what?!), but strong enough for my husband to enjoy. The study created quality time, has strengthened our marriage, and was perfectly timed to coincide with the hardest season that Keith and I have experienced.

There were so many times where what we were discussing was 100% applicable to what we were going through on that very day, and it made me laugh and rejoice over the Lord's sense of humor. During a time where Keith and I should have been broken apart and fighting, we were growing in our faith and were a united front against an attack from the enemy. Perhaps the best part of this study was that our children were witnesses to this special time, and would often grab their kid bible and have their own study.

Today we finished the last day of our study, and I will truly miss learning about King David. (Never in a million years thought I'd say that!) My perspective has changed, I have changed, and I am more hungry for the Word than I ever have been. So thanks. Thank you satan for trying to attack what the Lord declares HIS. All you did what ignite a fire in me that was dimly lit before.

My Experience with Placenta Encapsulation

Yep, you read that right. After giving birth to Ethan I saved my placenta, had it dehydrated and encapsulated (by a certified doula) and have been taking placenta pills (AKA my happy pills) since welcoming our third child into this world. 

In order to understand why I made this decision, let me give you a little bit of backstory...

When I was pregnant for Ethan, I wondered and worried about many things, but one of my main concerns about life with three children was my metal health (hello, tiny circus). You see, about six months after I gave birth to Arabella in 2013, I experienced postpartum depression. My PPD was not in the form of sadness like the depression I was familiar with, but it was in the form of rage. Anything and everything would set me off, and I would take this out on my husband. At one point things got so bad that Keith and I ended up in marriage counseling, and through this counseling (which I highly recommend...it's really nice talking to an unbiased professional) we discovered the PPD. I knew that I didn't want to go on medication to alleviate this problem (there's nothing wrong with taking medication AT ALL, I just personally did not want to) so I began researching essential oils. Between the new oils, a change in diet and the addition of exercise, and working on my relationship with God, my relationship with my husband improved and I began to heal from postpartum depression. 

PPD is an incredibly confusing and, if I'm being honest, an embarrassing thing to experience because nobody really talks about it. People only fill you in on the joys of motherhood and not the hardship that can come with it. SO, all of that to say, I was a little worried that I would get PPD again after giving birth to Ethan, so I began researching how to minimize this risk.

And it was there that I found placenta encapsulation and the plethora of benefits ingestion the placenta could provide. 

I hired Sam at Sacred Bee Doula (I highly recommend her!) for $250 and all I had to do was bring a small cooler to the hospital when I went into labor. I informed my nurses that I wanted to keep my placenta, they handled the packaging into the cooler, and then Sam picked it up the day I had Ethan. She dehydrated and encapsulated it for me, and then delivered it to my house two days later. Each placenta creates a different number of capsules, and mine made 150. 

Now for the good part! 

Below is a list of all the wonderful things I experienced through placenta encapsulation:

1. Postpartum cramping immediately subsided. Okay mommas, you know what I'm talking about. You go through labor and have a sweet angel, and yet every time said angel nurses your insides feel like they will explode. Again. This pain is caused by suckling, where the uterus is contracting down to it's normal pre-pregnancy size. While this is normal, it hurts like hell. Apparently the more kids you have the more the cramping hurts, and I can absolutely attest to this. I was miserable those first days at home...until I started taking my placenta pills. Immediately, the cramping subsided. 

2. So. Much. Energy. This sounds crazy to even type, but I somewhat avoided the whole "mom zombie" stage of having a newborn. The placenta pills gave me so much energy that I didn't have to drink any caffeine to function like a normal human being. I now drink green tea beverages on days where I'm dragging, but otherwise I've stayed away from soda and coffee. 

3. An abundance of breastmilk. During the first three months I was pumping 1-2 times a day, and I was able to get anywhere from 4-6 oz out of each breast. (Seriously, I felt like I was a liquid-gold-pumping-maching) I only take the pills now as needed, and my supply is much lower, but I still get 1-3 oz.

4. Postpartum bleeding decreased. This may be TMI, but once I started taking the placenta pills, I didn't need to wear that flattering mommy diaper that they send you home from the hospital in. 

5. Balanced Hormones. This!!!!! This was what I hoped and prayed for, and I credit my God and these pills for the quality of life I've experienced this time around. While I am still riding the postpartum rollercoaster, my highs are high, but my lows are not low. I feel very balanced and of sound mind, and this is such an incredible blessing!

3 weeks postpartum and feeling great

I know it sounds gross and people can be freaked out when you talk about your placenta, but the five wonderful things I experienced far outweigh the weird looks and comments I've received. The only negative side effect I experienced was headaches, and this was because my dosage level was too high, so I took less the next day and the headaches were gone. If you decided to encapsulate your placenta, I will say DRINK UP! Lots and lots of water is required to ensure you do not become dehydrated. 

The pills are small and look like herbs

The whole purpose of writing this post is to share my wonderful experience with placenta encapsulation with the hope that other moms (new or seasoned) will be able to kick PPD's butt and be a functioning human being during those wonderful, yet very exhausting, first few months. Overall I am very thankful in my decision to encapsulate my placenta, and am a bit disappointed that I only have 26 pills left (that I am saving for hard days).

E and Me -- 4.5 months postpartum and just immensely thankful

**First picture taken by Bump Meet Baby Studio.

Pilot Wings

At the end of January I embarked on one of my most ambitious journeys yet -- I flew from Charleston, SC to Lafayette, LA by myself with three children under the age of five. Needless to say it was exhausting, but 100% feasible. I looked like a small traveling circus and received many looks of encouragement and pity in the airport, and the one question I kept getting was, "Where are you going?!"

To which I would reply, "It's my grandmother's 90th surprise birthday party and I HAVE TO BE THERE."  

Thanks to beaucoup frequent flyer miles that Keith earned working in the tax industry, we all flew for free. (Talk about a major blessing, one of many the Lord has given us over the past few months.) So off we went, and while the task seemed daunting, I was excited. 

You see, I love the airport.

I love the way it smells.

I love the hustle and bustle of travelers and often wonder where everyone is flying off to. What are their stories? How are they feeling?

I love seeing the planes take off and land.

I. love. it. all. 

As someone who one day hopes to be an aviator, I was anxious to see a female pilot. She didn't have to be flying my plane...I just wanted to see one in the flesh. This may sound weird, but women only make up approximately 5% of commercial pilots, so my desire was a long shot. 

I am sad to report that I did not see any women pilots in the Charleston, Lafayette, Atlanta, or New Orleans airports. Which wasn't that big of deal, but something happened that made me feel incredibly confused, and if I'm being honest a little angry. 

On our flight from New Orleans to Atlanta, I asked a flight attendant for some pilot wings for my kids. The older two love flying and really wanted some so that "they could fly their own planes when we got home." As she pinned the wings on Gavin, she said, "Here are your pilot wings!" and then she turned the Arabella and said, "And here are your flight attendant wings!" 

This. 

This here pushes my buttons. Now, the flight attendant was incredibly sweet and I'm sure completely unaware of what she had said, but I immediately noticed. So, because Arabella is a girl she should limit herself to being a flight attendant, but Gavin is a boy and this means that he should be a pilot? 

What the actual WHAT? 

Maybe it's because I want to be a pilot myself and am well aware of the statistics of women flying in this "man's world", or maybe it's because I don't like my children being placed in a box. Whatever it was, it had me bothered, and I exited the plane with more determination than ever. 

Determined to continuing pursuing my goal of being a licensed pilot. 

Determined to support my kids in whatever they want to do. 

Determined to be aware of my words and not to place judgment on others.

It was a harmless comment, but one that I will always remember. Not in anger, but with fondness...because while stereotypes exist, it is an empowering and beautiful thing when you can utterly shatter them.

Our New Normal

A few days have passed since our family of 5 moved to the new house, and we are slowly getting the hang of our new normal. As someone who loves organization and order, having our home in disorder is driving me a bit insane. I have to consciously remind myself that it will take some time to unpack, and everything will eventually find its place. Boxes litter each and every room of the home, closets are half full, and toys are everywhere...and we are exhausted. 

Exhausted, but thankful. 

Keith and I have been riding a ferocious wave and the season we are coming out of has been hard, but God was good and is good and has provided for us. One day we will share all that He has done for us...all of the blessings that came out of each horrible situation. I know that's incredibly vague, but  the grace we have seen and the mountains that have been moved deserve more that just a shout-out on this post. 

This fresh start that we have been given has us only 20 minutes from our old house, but those 20 minutes put us in a new suburb of Charleston. We now reside in Summerville, the home of azalea flowers and sweet tea. So far, we are enjoying living on this side of town and look forward to meeting our neighbors and creating wonderful memories. Gavin and I will pick back up with homeschool preschool (while Arabella joins us here and there) in the next few days, and that will hopefully give us a better handle on our daily routine.

We are currently renting a home here, and this both excites and terrifies me. It's exciting that we aren't chained to one location and can easily move to a new area or home (although I prefer not as moving absolutely sucks), but I am also terrified because of the same reason -- we do not technically have roots right now. We are excited to get involved at our new church, but have no commitment to this area besides the short lease we signed. But if I've learned anything at all, it has been this -- this is where faith comes in. 

Instead of trying to figure everything out right now, I am giving it all to the One who actually does hold my world in His hands. I fully believe that the crazy things that happened during our dark season all led us to where we are now. It can be hard to let go of the reins and truly trust God's plan, but He knows the desires of our hearts. He knows what we yearn for and what we aspire to be, and I can only hope and trust that he will use us for His kingdom. So we will pray, trust, and immerse ourselves in the city we currently reside, and will reevaluate our location in 6 months time (when our lease is up). 

One incredibly important thing that I am so thankful to truly feel is that no matter where my family resides location wise, as long as we are together, I am home. And that is a beautiful thing.

My Plate Runneth Over

Have you ever been so busy that the wheels in your head never stop turning? Your plate is so full that you feel like at any moment you're going to drop the ball and totally lose your mind? 

Yep, that is my life lately, but for SUCH good reason!

After spending two lovely weeks visiting family and friends in Louisiana, I returned back to Charleston with only 3 weeks to pack up our 5 bedroom home and move 20 minutes down the road to a wonderful new house! We listed the house that has been Keith's home since 2008 and my home since 2010 (minus a year and a half for the time we lived in Atlanta and Charlotte) for sale at the end of December, and by the end of January it had sold. Up until last week we didn't know where we would be living, but thanks to an awesome friend/realtor of ours, we will be renting a lovely 4 bedroom home until we figure out where we'd like to plant some roots next.

Packing is obviously overwhelming, but packing while being a work-from-home mom to 3 kids under age 5 is challenging to say the least. I am finishing up my last editing project for a wedding that I was so honored to capture, and I'm doing my best to juggle an infant, threenager, and preschooler. (Right now the threenager is giving me a run for my money, but we won't let her know that, kay?)

And while that sweet husband of mine is being helpful, he has just started a new job (praise you, God!) and has been quite busy. So all that to say...while I want to allocate time each day to sit and write, because let me tell you there is so much I have to say, I just can't. Not right now. But I'm jotting down notes on my phone, and one day (soon, I hope) when we are settled into our new home, I will share my thoughts with all of you. Everything from the books I'm deeply enjoying to my trip to Louisiana, to traveling solo on a plane with 3 kiddos, placenta encapsulation, and flight school, those posts are coming. 

I hope that you have enjoyed this short update and that your Monday rocks!

Now it's back to packing! :)